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NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by brentage2000 who says..."Okay, this is a great action movie, but the first hour or so was confusing as all hell. I'm gonna give it my best shot, but you might need to see the real movie anyway to catch everything."

The movie begins in Prague as we see a James Bond type agent running through the streets trying to escape from some gangsters. They shoot back and forth, and the agent ducks into a club. This club is run by Yurgi (Marton Csokas), and he is the man the agent was supposed to be after. After a kind of hide and seek on the dance floor, a sniper on the balcony takes aim on the agent and shoots him as he is on a soundstage. He falls backward onto the crowd, and they just move him back and forth without noticing he's dead.

Meanwhile, in Washington, we meet NSA agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson). He and his boss are mad because they've sent three agents to Prague to find Yurgi, and all three have been killed. He comes up with a second option - start using the dregs of society - criminals, convicts, that sort of thing. He reasons that they're tough, they're smart, and most importantly, they're expendable.

Now we go to Sacramento, California. A senator is parking at a country club and tells the valet to take real good care of his car. Unfortunately, the valet is Xander Cage, a.k.a. X (Vin Diesel), extreme sports pro and internet star extrodanaire. He drives the car out of the driveway at no less than 60 MPH, and then pulls it aside where he and his crew set up a bunch of cameras. X hottails it out of there just as the cops get close, and he drives toward a bridge where his crew set up a ramp. He starts talking about how Dick Hotchkiss (the senator) made some unfair decisions, and he better start making the right ones. X arrives at the bridge, and the car goes off the ramp and starts falling. X jumps out of the seat and skydives straight to the ground, landing perfectly with a parachute that has three X's on it. He gets up, turns to another camera his crew had set up there and says "The lesson? Don't be a dick, Dick." and heads out.

Now we're at X's home, which has become one big party.

His assistant/maybe-girlfriend, J.J. (Eve) tells him he did great, and then he's pulled aside by a lady who wants to make a video game out of him. J.J. tells her to buzz off, and then, as X is making a victory speech, the party gets busted up the NSA, and X gets knocked unconscious. When he wakes up, he's in a diner that looks like it's in Nebraska. He glances at the waitress, who's a fat lady in high heels. He goes over to the bar, and she slips him a paper with 911 on it. Suddenly the guy next to X and a guy at a table start waving guns around and threatening to rob the place, but X takes care of them. As he finishes, he hears....applause. Agent Gibbons is there, and he says that this was a test. X says it was a bad test, since the characters all looked out of place, especially the waitress. He knows this because his momma worked in a diner, and there is no way a woman as fat as the waitress there would be wearing high heels to work. Gibbons tells X he has a job for him. When X tells him to go to hell,; he gets knocked out again.

This time when X wakes up, he's on a plane over Columbia. He and a couple other guys are thrown out of the plane - literally - and land outside a drug camp. They get captured, and when the interrogator comes, X just mouths off to him, and then beats him up by swinging off of the pole he was tied to. He gets himself and the other two guys free, and over the next ten minutes, manages to wipe out the whole camp. Then he gets knocked out again. When he comes to, it's morning and Gibbons is there. Gibbons says that he was testing X to see if he qualified for their agent program (which he does). He then says that since X's bridge stunt broke three laws, and he's got three X's on his neck, that's pretty appropriate, and he gives him the code name XXX (triple X - duh). XXX starts threatening to leave, but then Gibbons says that if XXX doesn't do this, he'll go to jail for the rest of his life. XXX reluctantly agrees.

In Prague, XXX meets up with a cop who takes an instant disliking to XXX. They go to the club where Yurgi hangs out, and XXX ditches the cop the second he points Yurgi out. XXX tells Yurgi who he is, and he gives Yurgi a list of ten cars he wants. He also gives Yurgi an eleventh car that he wants for himself, a 1967 Pontiac GTO. Yurgi says that some of the cars will be difficult to get, but XXX says that he's got the cash. Yurgi says okay, and then he brings in the women. One of them is his girlfriend (I guess) Yelena (Asia Argento). As they're partying, XXX says to one guy who's smoking that that cigarette will kill him one day (important).

The next morning, XXX gets a call from Gibbons. He's pissed that the list XXX gave Yurgi isn't the one he was supposed to give him. XXX says that those cars were horrible, and Yurgi would have seen right through him. Gibbons says he's sending XXX some help, and it comes in the form of Agent Toby Lee Shavers (Michael Roof), a kind of younger, hipper, funnier Q. ; He gives X a big gun and six different types of ammo, including a dart that knocks you out for twelve hours (that's what XXX kept getting shot with), a dart that knocks you out for a little while but leaves a bullet like trail (sound, red paint, everything), and just a regular bullet. That night, XXX is inspecting the cars, and he thinks they're great. Suddenly, the cop that XXX ditched starts shooting at Yurgi, and after he and XXX both deny it's their guy. They head after him. It looks as if Yurgi will kill him, but XXX manages to spin the car around and shoot him with one of the bullet darts, saving his life (VERY important). As Yurgi and XXX are looking, the car with Yelena drives by, and she looks somewhat saddened by the cop's "murder." Yurgi, meanwhile, is ecstatic, and invites XXX to his mansion.

At the mansion, another party is already in full swing. Yurgi tells Yelena to keep XXX company, but she mostly avoids him. He corners her on a balcony, and she kisses him. When he says that he enjoyed it she says "Good, because it will never happen again." Then she shows him to his room, which holds a stripper waiting for him. He smiles and goes over to her. The next morning, he sneaks downstairs and starts looking for stuff in Yurgi's private files. As he's finishing, he hears a door open. He hides, and out comes Yelena. She opens up a safe, goes into it, then closes it again. Xander comes out of the closet (he was "hiding" in one) and tells her he's a secret agent. She laughs, but agrees to go with him to a diner. Once there, he explains everything that's been happening to him, and he also says he suspects her of knowing more about what's going on. They're interrupted by her cell phone, and the sniper on the other end says that XXX is a secret agent, yadda-yadda-yadda. He tells her to get him to come outside, but she tells him, and they get out of the restaurant in a sequence that end with him skateboarding down a bannister on a desert tray. When he gets to the bottom, two guys throw a pillowcase on him and take him to an empty opera house. Well, empty except for Gibbons. He tells XXX that his cover is blown and that he can come home. XXX gets mad and storms out of there. On his way back home, he tells Shavers to put a whole bunch of missiles, ammo, and other cool stuff in his car. Shavers looks at it and says "Okay."

That night, at Yurgi's castle, XXX breaks in, dispatching the guards, and then placing something like band-aid bombs on several of the motorcycles and on the main car. He then follows Yurgi, Yelena, and a few others through a door, down a stairway, and into an underground factory. XXX, goes around the outside of the lab room, and uses some x-ray binoculars to see what's going on. He finds out that Yurgi is planning to blow up Praugue using a biological weapon, and then watches in horror as he tests it on the scientists who developed it. After they're all dead, an alarm goes off, and Yurgi realizes that XXX is there. Fortunately, he escapes, blowing up the motorcycles and cars as well.

When he gets back to his hotel room, he finds the cop he shot earlier there. Turns out he was the one who gave XXX away. Just before he can kill XXX, he gets killed by Yelena, who is an undercover spy for the Prague equivalent of the FBI. She's been undercover for two years, and says she wants out.

XXX offers her protection, and they kiss, but that's all. She's afraid of what might happen if she doesn't get back to Yurgi. The next morning, XXX receives a call from Gibbons, congratulating him on finding out about Yurgi's weapon. Turns out they were just trying to take him off the case to get him motivated. They tell him, the mission is now wrapped, but XXX says he offered Yelena protection, which Gibbons just says no to. They hang up, and rather than go home, XXX rounds up a small army of cops and gets ready to storm Yurgi's castle. To do this, they have to take down the communications tower on the mountain which XXX does, thanks to some sweet snowboarding and some sweeter explosives. Unfortunately, he gets captured by Yurgi's men.

XXX gets taken to Yurgi's mansion, where he finds out that Yurgi has known about Yelena all along. Just as they're about to be killed the calvary arrives. XXX and Yelena grab some guns from a secret cupboard and go after them. They run into a couple of bad guys, and Yelena takes care of them, because apparently XXX's gun doesn't work with the safety switch on. He fixes that, and they - along with some of the cops - bust into the underground lab, where a cigarette smoking sniper - the one XXX talked to at the club - is waiting for them. XXX decides to just use the rocket launcher they have, since the rockets are all heat seeking, and they blow him away. Meanwhile, Yurgi has set the bioweapon's carrier for Prague, and is getting away in a speedboat. XXX manages to shoot Yurgi, but the carrier gets away. XXX and Yelena head out front where they find Agent Shavers waiting with XXX's newer car/tank. They drive off, but everything in the car is for land battle, not water. Finally they find a parachute/ejector seat feature, which XXX uses to get onto the carrier, with the help of a harpoon. He slides down the harpoon rope, and manages to get one rocket turned around and the carrier heading underwater, so when it blows up, it doesn't kill anyone. Everyone thinks XXX is dead, and Gibbons tells Yelena that he'll take care of her, but she doesn't care - at least, not until she sees XXX pulling himself onto the bridge struts below.

A month later, XXX is relaxing in the Caribbean. Yelena comes out and brings him a drink. They start to kiss when Gibbons calls on the videophone. He tells XXX that he passed the Gibbons test, and that he's got more work to do. XXX kisses Yelena again, and the two of them jump in the ocean.

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