The movie starts with Andy Fiddle (Eugene Levy) in his bathroom, preparing a speech. He works for a dental supply company, and lives in Milwaukee. He will soon be giving a speech to investors, and is very nervous.
The movie cuts to Detroit, where Derrick Vann (Samuel L. Jackson) is trying to retrieve some guns that were stolen from a federal armory, and are soon to be sold. After a visit to his informant Booty, he sets up a buy. He is to go to a diner and be reading a USA Today. Unfortunately, Fiddle is in the diner, and his favorite newspaper is USA today. A menacing British person sits next to him and hands him a paper bag with his taste in it then leaves. Fiddle pulls a cell phone out of it, then a gun. That's when Vann walks into the diner and cuffs him. Soon, Vann realizes that the gun traffickers think that Fiddle is Vann. The cell phone that Fiddle receives rings, with the menacing Brit, whose name we now find out is Joey, is on the other end of the line. He wants Turk (the pseudonym that Vann used when setting up the buy) to drop $20,000 dollars in a certain trash can. Vann reveals that he has the money, and needs Fiddle to drop it.
Fiddler tries to perform the drop plain and simple. Unfortunately, a homeless guy screws this up, and the traffickers just drive by. Fiddler gets another call asking him what happened. Fiddler tells them that there were complications. Joey says he will call back in about an hour.
Vann tells Fiddler that he is going to make a stop at a friends house. The friend is a gun dealer that Vann knows, and thinks might be buying. He finds the guy dead. At the same time, Fiddler, who is handcuffed to the passenger door, attempts to drive the car with one hand. Vann chases after him in a car he borrows and, after Fiddler escapes from the handcuffs, Vann shoots and grazes Fiddler in the rear. Vann advises that Fiddler use taco sauce to stop the pain, which doesn't go down too well with Fiddler.
When back in the car, Fiddler complains that he is hungry. Vann takes him to a burger joint, where Fiddler complains that red meat doesn't agree with him, but he eats the burger anyways. Back in the car, Fiddler gets extremely gaseous. After quickly exiting the car, Vann gets a call from his ex-wife, who reminds him about his daughters dance recital in a few hours. Vann takes a quick break from the gun busts to visit his daughter. On the way there, Fiddler teaches him how to curb his use of the f word (Every time you feel like saying the f word, say it. Then say, goodness sake. Before you know it, you'll be saying for goodness sake!) When they arrive, Vann explains to his daughter that he's on assignment, and can't come. She is dismayed. Vann gets distracted when the phone that Joey gave to Fiddler rings.
Joey says he wants to meet Turk in a restaurant, where they will make the exchange. However, Joey says he wants $500,000 for the whole batch. Vann goes to his confiscated items buddy, who eventually gives into his requests. They head to the restaurant, and Fiddler enters. Fiddler sits down with Joey and discusses the deal. After some inquests by Joey about why he seems to not want to let the money go he throws Joey the money saying it means nothing to a powerful trafficker like him. He also gives Joey back the cell and tells him that he makes the calls now.
Fiddler goes back to Vann, waiting in the car and tells him what's going on. Vann is furious, but Fiddler explains that they now get to decide where the meeting takes place, and get backup there. He also tells Vann that they should let Joey simmer for a bit before calling him. Fiddler suggests that they go to Vann's daughter's dance recital, which they do.
Vann has a nice moment with his daughter, then a confrontation with his ex-wife's boyfriend.
They leave and call Joey. They arrange for a meeting which they attend with no backup. Upon meeting Joey and his cronies, Joey asks who Vann is. Fiddler tells him that Vann is his bitch and will do anything that Fiddler tells him to. After an embarrassing confession to this by Vann, they are taken to Joey's residence, where, for some reason, they are put in the pool. Joey tells them that he still thinks Vann is a cop. Vann admits this, and tells them that he is betraying the service to make some money. Joey is convinced, and Vann takes Fiddler to his hotel, and they say goodbye.
The next day, Fiddler gives his speech, and it goes well. When he exits the building, Internal Affairs grabs him and throws him in a surveillance truck. They tell him that Vann was lying to both him and them, and that he is actually trying to buy the guns. They need him to wear a wire and get a confession out of Vann.
Fiddler enters Vann's office, and says they need to talk. Vann says that they should talk in his car. Vann starts driving to the exchange with Fiddler in tow. Vann knows that's Fiddler is wired, and says that that is the perfect way to call in for backup when the time arises. They enter the barn where the exchange is going to go down. After Joey enquires where the money is, Vann tells him he'll show the money when Joey shows him the guns. Joey is skeptical, and pulls a gun on Vann. That's when the police enter. Joey and most of his goons get mowed down, and Vann gets shot in the rear. Fiddler says he will get the taco sauce.
It is the next day now and Vann is accompanying Fiddler to his flight back to Milwaukee. They are in the elevator when Vann hears a noise. He enquires what Fiddler had for lunch. A sandwich What kind of sandwich A beef sandwich. That's when some nuns enter the elevator. After Fiddler has caused these women of God some severe discomfort (with his gas), Vann and Fiddler go through security, where the guards insist that Vann has a body cavity search (he still has a bullet in his rear). They go to find someone to search him. Vann says he doesn't want that kind of a search done, and he and Fiddler say their friendly goodbyes. A man arrives and asks Vann if someone needed to have a body cavity search done on them. Vann points to Fiddler. They approach Fiddler and, against his protests, take him behind a curtain.
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