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The Recruit


movie trailer (apple.com - quicktime)

NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Tyler Durden who says... "It was a decent movie. The ending was brain dead and Kiefer Sutherland was kind of an overblown bad guy but Farell was amazing as always. Let's see how quickly his flavor of the week status runs out. But once again the ending. Very predictable and very lame. Schumacher made a great movie for the first 70 minutes but the last 10 minutes were terrible. The writer and the director took an easy way out by just ending the movie."

The movie starts off with a 50's jingle called "Operator" and the camera zooms in from outer space and satellites into New York City. As the jingle ends, the narrator explains a lot of interesting facts about phones and New Yorkers. I don't remember the specifics but something like 3 million have cell phones and how talking to yourself was once a sign of insanity but now it's a status symbol. It's a good introduction.

The camera focuses on Stu Shepherd (Colin Farell). He is walking and talking. His assistant is busy dialing on ANOTHER cell phone and he struggles to keep up to the confidently strutting Stu.

Stu is a publicist and it's basically his job to spew B.S. to his celebrity clients and the press. At one point Stu calls one of his clients, a white rapper sitting between two big black bodyguards. Whitey looks like he is 15 years old and is saying ridiculous stuff like "I'm a gangster! Yo Yo" The bodyguards just look at each other wondering "What the hell happened to me?" Anyway this part isn't real important. His celebrity clients have problems and by the first five minutes Stu seems to have solved all of them by planning a banquet for Whitey and in turn getting press for the restaurant holding the banquet and bribing a Page 6 columnist with juicy info about a producer's wife in rehab that Stu got from a police officer by bribing him with Britney tickets. Yeah O.K. Anyway Stu ditches his young assistant telling him to get a decent suit if he wants to be a publicist.

Stu enters a phone booth that the aforementioned narrator described in the beginning. A fat pizza guy comes up to the booth and offers Stu a pizza, half pepperoni half mushroom. Stu tells him to fuck off. Bad Stu. The pizza guy says "Gee don't be mean," and leaves. Stu takes off his wedding ring and calls his wanna be mistress (a stunningly gorgeous Katie Holmes). He tells her he wants to see her and she asks him why he always calls from the same phone booth. Stu fires off a witty response and she laughs and tells him that she can't make it. Stu says okay and tries to make her feel guilty. It doesn't work. They say goodbye and hang up. The phone rings. Uh-oh.

Kiefer Sutherland wants to talk about the pizza. Yeah he's weird. He threatens Stu and tells him he's going to die if he hangs up. Stu doesn't believe him so Kiefer shoots a toy robot that was walking on the street. WHY? WHAT DID THE ROBOT DO???? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! Stu says "Okay you win. I'm your bitch don't hurt me please." He asks Kiefer why he's doing this. Kiefer says mysteriously "You know why." The Jamaican owner of the robot comes up to the phone booth and Stu shoves some money into his hands. Kiefer says "Aww you're a nice guy Stu." They keep talking and Kiefer explains how he's been assassinating business executives who ripped off employees and pedophiles in the last couple months. If he's assassinating Kenneth Lays and child molesters shouldn't Kiefer be the protagonist? Stu says "You'll never get away with it." Kiefer says, "Bitch I got a silencer and a laser pointer hooked up to this baby. I'm ready for war!"

They go on for a while and a hooker from across the street comes up. "I gots to use the phone. I'm lates for a trick." Stu knows if he hangs up he'll die. She comes back with two more hookers and they try to knock the phone booth down.

Doesn't work. So they go for reinforcements. Aww hell naw. They brought their pimp. The pimp breaks a window and starts beating poor Stu up. Kiefer asks "Should I do it?" Stu says "No" then Kiefer asks "You sure?" Stu says "Yes". Kiefer pops a cap in his ass. Everyone starts screaming and Stu is stunned. Pimp Daddy falls dead on his face. Everyone thinks Stu did it and the hookers start shouting "He's got a gun!!!" The cops arrive minutes later and surround the phone booth. Stu tries calling 911 but the sniper hears him and tells him to turn it off. Now Stu is surrounded by Forest Whitaker and Kiefer Sutherland.

Forest Whitaker plays an impotent police detective. Stu'swife comes. Stu tries telling them he doesn't have a gun, but hey it's the NYPD. Kiefer calls Katie Holmes and explains the whole charade to her. She comes down to the show. The news vans arrive and the NYPD know they just can't kill Stu now because there are cameras rolling. Whatever.

Kiefer mind fucks Stu some more. Whatever. Boring negotiations. More mind games. Movie's getting old quick. Somehow they try to figure out who Stu is talking to on the phone because he can't say (he'll die!). They fail. Stu's wife mentions that some mysterious man called her earlier. This will turn out to be the resolution later but hey, we're not there yet. Eventually Forest Whitaker figures out there's a sniper somewhere. Before this Kiefer tells Stu there IS a gun in the phone booth above the lights. Stu sees it and he knows now he is in trouble. Kiefer tells him to choose who will die between Katie Holmes and his almost equally hot wife. Stu can't choose. Stu confesses his sins in front of the news cameras to all of NYC. He starts bawling. "I'm from the Bronx and I hate it so I wear these 3000 dollar suits. I'm a fake. I'm a phony. I try to be something I'm not to my wife, to my clients, to everybody. I tried to sleep with Katie Holmes but she didn't want me. I'm sorry honey," he tells his wife. He then calls his wife who hears Kiefer's voice. She tells Forest. Resolution is in sight. Stu grabs the gun and comes out of the phone booth shouting "KILL ME!! DON'T KILL THEM KILL ME!!!" He goes back in. Kiefer says "Very good Stu. You confessed your sins and I'll let you live." It's what he wanted all along. Forest finally sees the whole plan and tells it to Stu. Stu tells Kiefer tauntingly that they're coming and it's all over and that Kiefer is about to get screwed. Kiefer says he's lying. The camera breaks away to a storming SWAT team. Back to the street. Stu comes out and gets shot. At this moment we see a SWAT team raiding the apartment where Kiefer is because they were able to trace that call to Stu's wife. They find a man with his throat slashed and a sniper rifle on a tripod. Back to the phone booth.

Stu gets up. There's a bruise the size of a baseball on his chest. He's been shut with a rubber bullet according to Forest Whitaker, but what really looks like a bean bag. God. No wonder the NYPD is so inept. They don't know the difference between their non-lethal and lethal ammo. Anyway the stretches with the body comes down. Stu lifts up the sheet and...it's the Pizza Guy!!!! Stu goes into an ambulance and receives a shot for the pain. It's obviously something strong like morphine because Stu gets very woozy. A man walks up. It's Kiefer and we finally see his face although Stu's vision is blurry. He says, "Stu you did very well. Now be sure that you keep your good behavior up or I'll come and visit." He walks away carrying a big case. Stu passes out.



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