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The film opens with Matt Dillon pulling up to a bingo parlor, goes inside and looks around till he finds Michael Douglas. He sits down and starts to tell Michael why he wants to hire him to kill Liv Tyler.

At the same time, Paul Reiser is talking to a psychiatrist explaining his fascination with Liv Tyler.

Also at the same time, John Goodman is talking to a priest explaining his obsession with Liv.

Through Matt Dillon's story, we learn he is a bartender at McCool’s. One night he cleans up and walks out the back door to go home. As he’s locking the door, he hears a loud argument coming from a car. Liv is struggling to get out of a car to escape a very angry man. Matt helps her escape.

Liv suggests that she and Matt go to his house because she's upset, claiming that she was nearly raped and just wants to calm down.

They get to Matt Dillon's house where he has absolutely nothing to offer him except a glass of water. She smiles and very sweetly says “water is her 2nd favorite thing.” Her first she says… fucking. Which they proceed to do, very vigorously.

After its over, Liv Tyler confesses that this was all a scam. They routinely staged this argument and then her partner follows Liv and her rescuer home and they rob the man.

Sure enough, her partner shows up and since Matt has nothing worth stealing, they go back to the bar.

The man wants the money from the safe and is holding a gun on Matt, forcing him to open the safe. Liv shoots the man in the back of the head. She's fallen in love with Matt Dillon.

The police come to investigate and the head detective is John Goodman. He finds it a little strange that Matt could shoot the man in the back of the head while opening the safe at gunpoint. Goodman accepts the story and when he sees Liv Tyler, he thinks he’s seen a Goddess and falls deeply in love with her.

Liv moves in with Matt and she immediately starts to fix up his run down house. To do this, they need money. Matt Dillon has lost his job at McCool’s because the owner thinks that people will stay away if they know the bartender shoots people.

Liv suggests that Matt rob the house of his former boss. They plan on keeping the boss away by having him go out on a date with Liv. It works perfectly.

They try this a 2nd time with a lawyer that was introduced to Liv by Paul Reiser. This time, things don’t work as well. The lawyer gets back early with Liv and Matt is hiding in the closet. The lawyer tries to sexually assault Liv and she defends herself by kicking him, knocking him back into the wall where he falls down. The vibration from him hitting the wall causes the dvd player to fall, hitting him in the head and killing him.

Matt and Liv know they have to get out of there but she's upset because they have to leave the dvd player which she desperately wants.

Things are not happy between Liv and Matt. She wants to turn his house into her dream and he cant afford to do it.

Matt is also unhappy because Liv wants to throw out all his old belongings especially some snow globes his mother gave him.

This is all part of the story Matt is telling Michael Douglas, the hit man.

The story that Goodman is telling the priest is that he investigated the 2nd murder and found a footprint in some oil that matched shoes that Matt had been wearing. He also found a wine glass with Liv’s fingerprints on it. Because he knew that Liv was a sweet beautiful, wonderful person, she must have been forced into this by Matt.

He goes to Matt’s house and sees that Liv has a black eye (from her struggles with the lawyer that was killed). He thinks Matt Dillon has hit her and tells him he has to leave his house and stay away for 90 days and then advises Liv to get a permanent restraining order.

He continues to tell the story to the priest about how he can’t stay away from the house and then one day, Liv invited him in and they had sex.

Meanwhile, Paul Reiser has been talking with his psychiatrist about how Liv and Matt had been to his house for dinner and when she was leaving, she whispered that she wanted to see him and licked his ear. Later, he also has sex with her. Theirs is a little more kinky however, with leather and a whips.

We also learn that Paul and the lawyer that was killed worked together and they were both up for the same promotion. With the lawyer now out of the picture, Paul got the job.

This brings everything up to the present time.

Michael Douglas takes Matt to a motel and tells him to stay there but makes sure he’s seen. Matt has paid Michael $10,000 to kill Liv Tyler and by making himself seen at the motel, he will have an alibi.

He calls his cousin Paul Reiser and tells him he’ll be out of town a couple days. This gets Paul all excited because he knows that Liv is now alone.

Paul rushes over to her house and gets dressed in Leather and chains to wait for her to come home. At the same time, John Goodman heads over to Liv’s house dressed in his police uniform (Liv thinks it’s sexy). At the same time, Matt is watching TV and sees an ad for a psychic who tells the TV audience that they should call to find out how to repair broken love affairs. Matt takes this as a sign and heads towards his old house.

Eventually they are all in the house. John Goodman is going to take them to jail because Matt is driving a stolen car (that Liv had given him). He also thinks that Paul Reiser is responsible for the death of the lawyer. As they are all standing there, a 4th man shows up. He’s the brother of Liv’s ex-partner. He has come to kill the man who shot his brother.

As all this is going on inside the house, Michael Douglas is peering through the window and has his gun out to shoot the brother (to protect Matt). Just then, a gun is placed on the back of Michael’s head. It’s held by Liv Tyler.

They look at each other and are immediately attracted to one another. The brother notices the two of them outside the window and turns and fires at them. John Goodman then pulls his gun and starts shooting. A huge gunfight takes place while the song "YMCA" is paying in the background. (Policeman, guy in leather and even an Indian statue in the house).

During the gunfight, Paul Reiser escapes and the brother kills John Goodman. He then walks towards Matt to shoot him. Before he can, he is shot in the head by Liv Tyler. She looks at Dillon, smiles and walks away. Dillon is standing there in a daze with his house completely destroyed.

Liv gets into the car with Michael Douglas and he starts telling her about all the things he wants done to improve his house. These are all the things that Matt Dillon told him she wants.

Michael and Liv drive off together to live happily ever after?

Paul Reiser is running down the street in his black leather and chains when he stops on the street corner near a garbage truck. He looks up towards the sky, raises his hand thanking the lord for letting him escape when all of a sudden , a dumpster falls on him and kills him.


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Michael Douglas
and Matt Dillon

Matt hires Douglas to kill Liv after she has destroyed his life.
Liv Tyler
She has sex with everyone she meets and ends up running off with with Michael Douglas
Michael Douglas
He's the hitman hired to kill Liv but falls in love with her (like everyone else) and runs off with here in the end.
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