NOTE: This Great Spoiler was sent in by Staci
Senior Independent Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay.
Meet Charlotte, or Charlie (J-lo), your standard Jane of all trades: she is a dog walker, Medical receptionist, artist, you name it. She is single but looking but tired of the Mr. Wrongs in her life. She has resigned herself having her life interupted by best (gay) guy pal, Remy (Adam Scott), walking into her house unannouced, raiding her fridge, etc.
Until...she is at the beach walking her "clients" (dogs) and sees this hottie (Michael Vartan), sans shirt, run past her...their eyes meet, instant connection.
Later, Charlie is at the local coffee shop where the cashier is being harrassed by a Type A guy..."you call this a latte??!!" He storms off but as he does a $20 falls out of his pocket. Charlie picks it up and shrugs. She puts it in the tip jar and tells the Cashier "Karma." As she walks out of the store with her coffee, she almost runs into...Mr. Hottie..their eyes meet again and she opens the door to bail. He mentions that he saw her on the beach, she nods shyly and bails.
That evening, Charlie is telling Remy and Morgan (Annie Parisse) about seeing "this guy twice." Remy says that he and Morgan are worried about charlie. They joke that her lack of a sex life is causing delusions. Morgan asks Remy and Charlie to help her cater a party at the end of the week.
A Few throw away scenes where Charlie is excelling at her different jobs. She is well liked by all.
At the end of the week, we see a trendy party underway, with Morgan in the back trying to set trays of shrimp balls. She see Remy and Charlie arrive and throws aprons at them while thanking them for finally arriving. Remy and Charlie start grab a tray and head through the curtain into the party. Charlie sees Mr. Hottie and darts back into the "kitchen" area. "That's him!!" she cries. Morgan looks through the curtain. "That's Kevin Fields. He's a doctor and this is his party." Charlie relunctently heads out to circulate the shrimp balls. She slowly migrates over to where Kevin is talking with a group of friends including Fiona and Kit. In mid coversation, Fiona coos at Kevin, something along the lines of "you are so wonderful," to which Charlie replies with something along the lines of "Yes you are." Life comes to a screeching halt as all of the snobs, (Read this as Fiona) notices Charlie. Fiona asks Charlie! if she has anything useful to say and Charlie passes the tray in front of their faces..."Shrimp Balls?" Fiona makes some nasty comment and Charlie runs off towards the kitchen to die of embarassment. Just as she is about to make her escape through the curtin, Kevin catches up with her and introduces himself. They make small talk for a while then Charlie goes back to help with the kitchen. Later she spies on Kevin through the curtin. Fiona sees and walks over to Charlie. She nods over to where Kevin is sitting with Kit (who is another doctor that Kevin works with and is probably his best pal in the world) and they are laughing and joking. Fiona mentions to Charlie that Kit and Kevin have been together forever and that don't they make such a great couple. "You mean he's..?" Just at that point of Charlie's Question, Kevin laughs loudly and throws his arm over Kit's shoulder. Charlie's eyebrow raise and Fiona smirks off. ! "My gaydar used to be so much better."Charlie muses.
The next day, Charlie and Remy are at Charlie's aprtment when the Answering clicks on with a message from Keving asking Charlie out. Bummed, at Kevin's supposed unavaiability to her, she ignores the message. A few days later, Kevin runs into Charlie and her "clients" at the beach and asks her out again. She stammers and asks him if he's ever been with a woman. Kevin is confused until he realizes that Charlie thinks he's gay. He clarifies that he's been with lots of women...well he likes women...would she like to go out??
In response, the Dog that Charlie is walking decides that Kevin is being to fresh and bites him in the leg. Charlie ends up taking Kevin to her place to clean up the bite wound. As she is doing so, his pager goes off. He checks the number and notes that it's his mother. "It's noon and this is her first call. Wow." Charlie notes that she lost her parents at a young age. Kevin's pager goes off again.."Mom."
The scene changes to Viola Fields (Jane Fonda) walking down the hall of a TV station with her assistant Ruby (Wanda Sykes, in a completely Scene Stealing role). When you think of Viola, think of a mix between Barbara Walters and Oprah, with a dash of the Joan Collins for good measure. Viola tells Ruby to try calling Kevin one more time. She then mentions that the last time the network bigwigs all gathered to talk to her, she got her own show and an Emmy. As they are preparing to walk into the conference room, a perky blonde comes over and asks Viola for her autograph, "My grandmother just LOVES YOU!!!" V forces a smile and signs the autograph, and askes the perky Blonde to go get her a latte. V enters the conference room leaving Perky and Ruby outside. Perky states that it is so wonderful to meet a woman like Viola and Ruby asks her if she has a latte to go fetch. Perky mentions that she can't believe that she has been chosen to replace V. Ruby eyebrows head for the sky and she mutters "oh Sh*t."
Inside the conference room, the Execs are trying to explain to Viola that they are trying to appeal to a younger office. She tears up, but she tries valiantly to hold on to her dignity.
Cut to Viola's dressing room, where the assistant director is telling Ruby that they go live in 5 minutes...Ruby looks at him like "duh, we know this all is well." In the background, you can hear Viola yelling and throwing a fit, along with all sorts of vases and other breakables. All of a sudden you hear silence and Viola strides through the door as if nothing is wrong.
Viola tells Ruby before she goes on that she will complete her contract with dignity and grace.
She ends up interviewing a 17 year old (think Brittney clone) Tanya Murphy (played by Stephanie Turner) and it is obvious that Viola is losing it. She questions Tanya about Roe V. Wade and the little clone states that she doesn't watch Boxing.
Viola stares at her and flips out, jumping on Tanya and trying to strangle her.
Several months later Viola is released from the "funny farm," she tells her therapist that she can't wait to take her son on a trip to Italy...she mentions the same to Ruby when she is picked up. Ruby laughs and says that it'd be nice for all three of "them" to go. Viola says "Three?" "Yeah, you Kevin and his new girlfriend." Viola goes into shock.
A few days later, Kevin brings Charlie to meet "Mom." After a rough start for Viola, the two of them appear to get along like gangbusters and are having a really pleasant meeting, with Charlie complementing Viola on her clothes and makeup. The visit is going really well till the camera moves to Kevin with a dreamy look on his face. All of a sudden he decides to pop the question to Charlie.
Charlie says yes, Viola looks Horror stricken and assumes that Charlie is pregnant. When Charlie and Kevin both advise her that there is no little one on the way, Viola's dubious sanity hangs on by a thread until they leave. Ruby enters the room with a bottle of champange. Viola screams and throws a temper tantrum. Ruby glances at the bottle in her hands and turns around. "We're going to need something stronger then this."
Viola decides that Ruby needs to assist her to get all the dirt on Charlie to protect Kevin from Charlie. Viola decides to prove that the social class differences between Kevin and Charlie are too insurmountable. She manages this by inviting Charlie and Kevin to a barbeque at the country home. When they arrive they are shocked to see world royalty and celebrities from Kevin's childhood at the house in formal dress. "Oh it's okay, darling's, I have formal clothes for you in the house. But first Charlie dear, I want to introduce you to the king of Zimbobwe." Viola then proceeds to introduce charlie to everyone as a "temp." Finally, Charlies manages to make it into the house to change. The dress that Viola has picked for Charlies is beautiful, and about 2 sizes to small to accomodate (J-lo's) infamous assets. Charle ends up ripping the dress and then telling Kevin that she can't fit in the with the family. Kev tells charl! ie that she is his family and they will change and leave.
With her initial plan of action failing, V attempts to drive Charlie crazy by taking over the planning of the wedding. At a lunch date she presents Charlie with a Wedding Planner (keepsake photo album) that is covered in Peach lace (blech) She begins taking about Doves being released at the same time the kids say "I do." Finally Charlie tries to nip it in the bud and tells her she can't plan the wedding. Viola fakes a heart attack/fainting spell.
In the hospital Kevin asks Charlie to try to get along with Viola's little quirks. Just then, Viola's doctor arrives and says that Viola needs to be taken care of by family members. Since Kevin is going out of town for a doctor's pow-wow, Charlie volunteers....Viola moves into their home (Funny line by Ruby as she follows V into the house and mutters to Charlie "Got a gun?" "No" "You better go get one.") and spends the next two nights keeping Charlie up all night...
on the Third day, Remy and Morgan come over to spend the day with Charlie while Viola is out...Remy decides to go snooping in V's room. He discovers that V has been investigating Charlie...Charlie realizes that Viola is out to get her and decideds to spy on Viola the next day when she leaves with Ruby for a session with her doctor. Charlie follows her on a shopping trip and a lunch date to the IVY, where Charlie sees Viola's doctor....As a waiter.
Charlie goes home and plans to get even. She brings her dogs home and let's the majority of them have a chewfest in V's bedroom with all of her Prada and Gucci. In the living room, she leaves her favorite pooch (a Rottie). When Viola comes home she is cornered by the poochie...and when Charlie tries to get the pooch away from Viola, she "accidently" flings tomato sauce all over V's expensive white suit. Viola goes upstairs and sees the condition of her room. At dinner Charlie gives V one of the Pill's that the doctory supposedly provided to V...Only all this time, V has been taking Vitamin C...Charlie replaces the Vitamin C with the real deal, and introduces her future mother in law to Tripe. The Meds kick in just in time for Viola to fall face down in her dinner. Charlie finally has a night of peace.
Morning arrives to find Ruby letting herself into the house and taking in the fact that Viola is still asleep in her plate of tripe. She grins and Charlie enters the room, disregarding Ruby's admiring expression. "I take it back." "What?" "You don't need a gun. You are doing just fine on your own." Charlie innocently pleads innocent.
A lunch date between Charlie, Kevin and Viola is the breaking point between the two women...Charlie presents V with a peach organza dress (think the style of Dress that Jane Fonda wore in "9 to 5") and asks her to be her Maiden...er..Matron of Honor. Kevin excuses himself and the ladies pull the gloves off. Charlie insists that Viola accept the upcoming nuptials and be happy. Viola questions Charlie's integrity.
It all culminates on the pre wedding dinner. Charlie invites V's "doctor" the waiter from the IVY. V' invites Fiona. In the kitchen, Viola finally stoops to grinding almonds into the gravy (Charlie is allergic to nuts) (Ruby tries to stop Viola and delivers the funniest line of the movie when Viola kicks her in the crotch. "I think you dislocated my vagina.") The gravy inadvertantly ends up out on the table. Charlie suffers a severe reaction resulting in extremly puffy, red lips.
Thankfully on the day of the wedding, all seems to be going well, Charlie looks gorgeous...until Viola enters the room also wearing white, trying to steal the bride's thunder. They get into slapfest that continues until Kevin's grandmother (and Viola's former MOther in law) comes in...She gives her support to Charlie and derides Viola by that Kevin's father should have done so well. Viola states that she was never good enough for Kevin's father, and the Grandmother states that when Viola first married Kevin's father she was a weather girl drinking wine out of a box. Grandma leaves the room and Charlies asks if this is how it is going to be for the rest of their lives, with Viola always trying to keep Kevin and Charlie apart. She goes to tell Kevin that the Wedding is off and Viola interupts and begs Charlie to come talk to her.
Viola apologizes for her behavior and states that Kevin is all she has in her life and that she just wants him to be happy. She asks Charlie to forgive her and the Wedding goes off without further ado.
The bride tosses the boquet and V catches it...the happy couple rides off on their honeymoon, and Ruby offers to buy V a "box of wine
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