NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Steve K.
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In the opening scene, a local mobster arrives at the police station to pick up his girlfriend. He and his goons trash the police station, then walk outside. But as soon as they walk outside, a huge army of well dressed gangsters from another part of town come up and surround the local mob boss. All the windows of the buildings around them shut. The local mobster and his goons are killed. After toying with the idea of letting the girl go, she is killed as well.
The opening credits roll. We see that the army was the notorious "Axe Gang", who have swept across the land, eliminating other gangs. We see the gang leader dancing around with his men with their signature axes.
We are then brought to a ghetto called Pig Sty alley, a place so poor the mobsters don't bother showing up. We see the landlord prancing around, hitting on girls in the tailor shop, eating breakfast in a local noodle shop, and then getting caught by his chain-smoking wife while womanizing. A comical quarrel ensues, which ends with the landlady berating all the inhabitants as losers who she has under her thumb.
Then 2 men, one fat and one skinny, approach PS Alley. They go into the local barber and get a haircut. When the haircut is done, Sing (the skinny protagonist) (Stephen Chow) says that the barber did a poor job and he demands compensation, claiming that the fat man he has with him is the boss of the Axe Gang. As proof, the fat man shows a double-ax tattoo he has on his ample chest. When the barber refuses to pay and things get heated, Sing sends a flare into the sky, which summons the real Axe Gang to the alley. Even though they realize Sing is impersonating them, they decide to destroy the place anyway. A fight ensues between the Axe Gang goons and a laborer, the noodle shop owner and the tailor, all of whom have hidden martial arts training. The Axe Gang is beaten back.
Back in the city, the Axe Gang takes Sing and his fat friend captive and intend to punish them for their actions, but Sing and them escape. They hide out inside a watch tower on top of a traffic light, and return to PS alley with revenge on their minds. Their attempts to kill the landlady are humorously unsuccessful, and Sing ends up getting stabbed and bitten by a snake, and is chased away by the landlady in a LoonyTune-esque chase scene. Swollen and frustrated, Sing uses an uncanny sudden power to wreck the traffic light post.
Meanwhile, the leader of the Axe Gang employs two assassins to kill the Kung Fu masters in PS Alley. They succeed, but it turns out the landlord has the kung fu powers of being able to stretch his limbs!!!!! And the landlady has a supersonic voice!!!! The two assassins are then beaten off. Frustrated even more, the Axe Gang leader retreats. The landlord and lady then inform the rest of the alley that they need to find a man to teach the "divine palm" Kung FU method to. When nobody suitable is found, they decide to go to the city themselves to settle the score with the Axe Gang
Back in the city, Sing and his friend try to rob a pretty but mute vendor-girl. Sing then goes into flashback mode, where as a child, he bought a bogus Kung Fu book from a crazy guy and tried to be a hero. When he saw a girl being bullied, he tried to save her, but was beaten silly and urinated on. That incident convinced Sing that being a crook was the only way to get things in life. Turns out the girl he tried to save is the mute vendor. She shows him the lollypop that she was holding the day he tried to save her, which she seems to have kept for nostalgia's sake. He spurns it and knocks it to the floor. In frustration, Sing runs away and parts ways with his fat friend, blaming him for holding him back. While loitering around the street, an Axe Gang car comes and picks him up.
The Axe Gang boss offers to let Sing become an Axe Gang member for real if he sneaks into a mental institution and releases the greatest Kung Fu master of them all, who was being imprisoned. Sing does so, and it turns out the master is an old bum. To prove that he is the master, the old guy catches a bullet fired point-blank from a gun. Then the landlady and the landlord arrive at the Axe gang headquarters just in time to fight. A fight ensues, in which Sing accidently hits the Kung FU master with a stick. The old master punches his face in. Already defeated, the landlord and lady take Sing and run back to PS alley. When the Axe Gang leader whines about letting them go, the old master punches his head so that it swivels 360.
The landlord and lady realize that Sing is the one who can learn the "devine palm" method, so they recuperate him and teach him the method The old master and the remnants of the Axe Gang arrive at PS alley. Using his new found Kung FU mastery, Sing destroys the Axe Gang and a final battle resumes between Sing and the old master, who suddenly turns into a frog-like creature. Sing wins after seeing Buddha in the sky and using an Ultra Palm move. Sing then extends the hand of friendship to the master, and the master submits himself to Sing.
In the closing scene, Sing has reunited with his fat friend and they have opened a popular candy store. Sing sees the vendor-chick again, and she once again offers him the lollypop, which by now is broken into pieces. This time, Sing accepts. The movie ends with a young Sing taking that young version of the vendor girl inside the store. Then the crazy man who sold the bogus book to Sing long ago jumps out again and tries to sell another of his books to another kid.
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