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GROWN UPS
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NOTE: This spoiler was written by Nash.

The film opens in 1978, our main characters as kids playing basketball at the CYO City Championship.  They win the big game and at an after game celebration, Coach Buzzard gives a big speech telling them to play life just like they played the game today.

The film cuts to 30 years later in Beverly Hills Lenny Feder (Adam Sandler) tries to get his kids to stop playing violent video games and to play and old school board game.  The kids won’t do it and are complete snobs.  Lenny is wealthy and works as an agent in Hollywood.  A phone call comes and Lenny finds out Coach Buzzard has died.  The film then cuts to Eric Lamonsoff (Kevin James) playing in a swimming pool in his backyard, which ends up breaking when he gets a call from his mother.  We then see Kurt McKenzie (Chris Rock) making dinner for his family.  He’s a househusband while his wife Deanne (Maya Rudolph) works all day.  He’s not a good cook and Deanne brings home a pizza.  Marcus Higgins (David Spade) is a slacker sleeping with anonymous women. Rob Hilliard (Rob Schneider) finds about the Coach’s death and cries.  His wife, Gloria (Joyce Van Patten) is very old and he asks her to come with him because he’s not sure he can handle this.

The film the moves to New England to the Coach’s funeral where Lenny and his wife, Roxanne (Salma Hayek) have just arrived.  Kurt greets him where they playfully mock how each of them has aged.  Deanne greets Roxanne and congratulates her on her pregnancy.  Lenny is greeted by Kurt’s mother-in-law who tries to give him an awkward kiss on the cheek.  Marcus arrives and Lenny also comments on how fat Lenny has gotten.  Marcus is curious about their nanny but Lenny convinces Marcus that she is just an exchange student they have living with them.  Eric arrives in a Cadillac; he’s the co-owner of a lawn furniture company.  The gang sees Rob at the church and wonder how he’s going to over dramatize the situation.  Lenny introduces Rob to Roxanne, who remembers him because Lenny told her that Rob didn’t hit puberty until the age of 19.  Rob introduces them to his wife Gloria, who Roxanne mistakes for his mother.  Rob and Gloria inappropriately kiss each other with their tongues.

Sally (Maria Bello), Eric’s wife, greets Lenny in the church and tells him how excited she is that Lenny rented out a cabin by the lake for the whole weekend for the whole group.  Lenny tells her that they had to book it for the whole weekend but they can’t stay because they have to go to Milan the next day.  One of the Coach’s last wishes was for Lenny to say something at his funeral.  He doesn’t have much to say but he is regretful that he didn’t visit the coach more in his later years.  Also, their 1978 team was the Coach’s only championship team he ever had.  Despite Lenny’s heartfelt speech, the funeral service continues with Rob’s overdramatic operatic singing.  The entire service begins to crack up.

At the reception, they all make fun of Rob’s wife as they watch them together, happy and in love.  Sally’s four-year-old son comes up to Sally and drinks her breast milk to everyone’s shock.  Their daughter also overreacts when she asks her to use a fork.  The entire gang arrives at the cabin.  Lenny unplugs the bug zapper so it doesn’t upset his daughter.  Rob has mapped out which rooms everybody is going to get.  Lenny lets the kids have the master bedroom, to Roxanne’s consternation.  Lenny’s sons are stunned by the television that isn’t a flat screen.  Kurt’s mother-in-law shows everyone her sore feet, which freaks everyone out.

Eric tells everyone about his dog’s weird voice.  His vocal cords were cut because the neighbors complained.  Lenny goes back into the house and drags his sons outside, making them play outside.  They don’t know what to do.  The rest of the gang follows through getting the other kids to play outside and they all go on a hike.  They find a rope on a tree near the lake and get very excited.  Eric volunteers to jump off the top rock hanging on the rope.  He jumps off and doesn’t let go of the water.  He bumps into the tree and falls down the cliff.  Eric landed on a bird, which is hurt.

They all go to a restaurant and Marcus tells everyone about how they always used to get wasted there.  Lenny tells the kids that this meant when they had a lot of ice cream, making all the kids exclaiming how much they want to get wasted.  Kurt speaks to Lenny’s nanny in Chinese, which Deanne had no idea he could do. Lenny sees an old friend, Dickie Bailey (Colin Quinn) working in the kitchen of the restaurant.  He’s still bitter about the championship game from 30 years ago, saying the last shot shouldn’t have counted because Lenny’s foot was on the line.  Dickie challenges him to a rematch.  Lenny doesn’t want to but Dickie eggs him on.  The group talks about spreading the Coach’s ashes the next day as the Coach’s last wishes.  But everyone is surprised that Lenny has to leave for Milan in the morning.  Roxanne has a new fashion line to debut there.  Roxanne is angry that Lenny made her seem like an insensitive workaholic so she tells him that they will now leave Sunday morning.

Rob makes everyone organic, healthy breakfast that looks very weird.  Lenny slaps Rob with dehydrated foot.  Kurt’s mother-in-law covers up her fart by telling everyone the dog did it.  Lenny slaps Rob with the bacon that he won’t let him cook in the house, so Lenny cooks it on the bug zapper outside.  He sees his son pick up a rock and hopes he throws the rock somewhere.  But he doesn’t do anything with it.  The gang rows a couple of boats to McIntyre Island where they are going to spread the Coach’s ashes.  Marcus talks about nothing but ladies.  Eric tells them that he fantasizes about candy and how he hides them all over the house.  Eric stops to take a pee but he pees strangely intermittently as girls on a speedboat pass by.

On the island, they wonder what the Coach would’ve done about Dickie’s trash talk.  They should have probably kicked his ass, they say.  Rob spreads the ashes and breaks down crying, lamenting his previous failed marriages and his broken relationship with his daughters.  He then tells them that they will be arriving in 20 minutes.  Rob ruins the bucket of chicken they’re eating by putting his ashy fingers in there.  Rob’s daughter arrives and she is insanely hot, to everyone else’s shock.  She is also attracted to older men, like her father is attracted to older women.  The gang sits nearby watching Rob’s daughter fixing her car, staring at her ass.  Marcus took the spark plugs so she will not fix it.  They take shifts staring at her ass so they’re not all staring at the same time but they all end up staring at a tree by accident.  Gloria helps her fix the car, thus making the gang turn around towards the lake.

To cheer Rob up from his family turmoil, they play arrow roulette.  Shooting an arrow up in the air, whoever stays the longest wins.  They all run away.  Marcus and Eric fall down on the ground.  Kurt hits a tree.  Lenny goes back for the dog and grabs him, stepping over Marcus.  Rob wins by standing the longest but the arrow lands on his foot.  Rob’s other daughter, Amber, arrives who is also incredibly hot.  Another daughter arrives who is much less hot and weird looking.  Rob explodes at Gloria who tries her herbal remedies but Rob blows up for no reason.

Lenny’s nanny is studying a science textbook because Lenny keeps telling her to study so she can seem like a foreign exchange student.  Lenny’s daughter comes down with her tooth fallen out while Roxanne is on the phone.  Roxanne, annoyed, tells her that she’ll put a dollar under her pillow later, revealing that the tooth fairy is fake.  Roxanne feels terrible and that she’s ruined her childhood.  Lenny goes into the kids’ room thinking they are on their cell phone but to Lenny’s delight, they are using cup phones.  Lenny has the kids install cup phones in the adults’ bedrooms too.  Lenny hears a fart over the cup phone and follows the wire over to Kurt’s mother-in-law who is sitting on the other end.  Roxanne talks on the cup with her daughter explaining away her mistake about the tooth fairy, comforting her.  They hear Gloria and Rob in the other room who have made up.

In the morning, Lenny’s daughter is taking care of the injured bird.  Marcus watches as Sally pumps her breast for milk, while he sleeps on the couch.  Roxanne, ready to leave for Milan, watches the kids skipping rocks across the lake.  She joins in and accidentally skips a rock into her son’s chest.  Roxanne tells Lenny that she’s forgotten how to skip rocks and that they should stay for a couple of more days for her to learn.  They’re staying for a few more days.  Lenny, excited, asks her what she wants to do.  They decide to go to a water park.  Sally, in the excitement, accidentally sprays Deanne in the face with her breast milk. 

At the water park, Marcus helps Rob’s daughters look for baby suits.  Roxanne shows off her baby suit and Gloria offers to go nude.  The girls stop her.  They see an oiled up muscle guy in the distance.  Eric, tired of hearing his son wanting mother’s milk, takes milk from another child and demands that he stop drinking mom’s milk.  The gang tries to skip the line by sneaking through a fence.  The muscle guy approaches the girls and then talks to them in a weird, high pitched Canadian voice.  The girls laugh uproariously to embarrassment.  Meanwhile, Lenny is sneaking the kids through to the front of the line and eventually they all go down the water slide having skipped the line.   Eric’s daughter tries to get Eric out of the pool and tells him that there’s a chemical in the water that makes pee turn blue.  He denies it but then the water around him turns blue.  Marcus continues to hit on Rob’s daughters, to his anger. 

The gang is up in a very high zip line ride that goes down to the pool.  Dickie and his friends and kids are behind them, mocking Lenny’s son for being afraid.  After Dickie’s son goes, Lenny’s son decides to go on.  Lenny rides down and does a very fancy dive off the zip line.  Eric mocks Dickie for being second place again.  Dickie gets his friend Wiley (Steve Buscemi) to go out there and he goes on the zip lien upside down hanging by his feet.  Wiley crashes into a wall.

Back at the cabin, Sarah is slightly upset that her son is now drinking milk from a carton.  Lenny shows off his basketball skills, even making a shot without looking at it.  Lenny gets his son to try shooting some baskets and he makes the shot.  Deanne is looking for Kurt and sees him in the lake with Lenny’s nanny.  That night, Marcus tries to get everyone to take shots but no one will do it as they sit around the campfire with marshmallows.  Marcus wishes everyone would party like they used to.  Roxanne talks about how her and Lenny first met.  Deanne fakes everyone out by pretending her water broke.  A romantic song plays and all the couples get up to dance with Marcus feeling left out and dancing with his beer bottle.

In the middle of the night, Lenny and Eric drink large gallons of water as they discuss how they have just had wild sex with their wives.  They can also hear Rob and Gloria loudly having sex all the way in their room.  They see Marcus passed out drunk on the couch and feel they have to punish him for being single and drunk with no responsibilities.  Lenny and Eric hold his nose and say strange things to him in his sleep, bothering him and making him cry.  Eric carries the passed out Marcus into the closet.  Marcus wakes up in the closet with a woman’s hot and a breast pump on his nipple.  Rob, Lenny, and Eric play Chutes and Ladders as Marcus walks up with his hangover.  Rob talks about having a baby with Gloria.  Marcus talks about the blonde he had sex with and how she got a cut on her head.  They then see Rob’s blonde daughter on the pier with a cut on her head.  Rob chases after him and attacks him, kicking him in the nuts.  Marcus tells him that he didn’t sleep with Rob’s daughter and she confirms it.  He would never sleep with his daughter.

Roxanne, after answering Lenny’s phone, finds out from his assistant that Lenny cancelled the flight to Milan before they came there.  After confronting him about it, they make up, Lenny telling her that this place is good for them and the kids who have become kind of snotty.  Deanne confronts Kurt about talking with Lenny’s nanny but he tells her that he does not have a thing for the nanny, saying he just liked talking with someone who didn’t bark orders at him.  Eric reveals that he doesn’t even work at the lawn furniture company and that he was laid off a few months ago.  Rob reveals that he’s wearing a toupee.  Gloria reveals she’s a man but then says she was kidding.  Gloria gives a big speech about the complications of life and how great the second act of life really is.

The entire group goes on a horse carriage ride to a park by the lake.  Lenny offers Eric a loan to get his own business off the ground and Kurt offers to help.  Eric attempts to go water skiing but he’s too big for it and the motor breaks off the boat.  Dickie and his old team challenge the group to a rematch once again.  Wiley in a full body cast is there to see the match.  Rob says that the Coach would want them to play them again.  The game is on.

Lenny’s team plays flawlessly while Dickie’s team shows its age.  But during the latter half of the game, a lot of the guys are exhausted. Eric and a player on the other team fake injuries so they don’t have to play anymore. Dickie and Lenny decide to bring in their sons as replacements.  It becomes a two on two game.  At the last shot, Lenny purposely misses the shot and lets Dickie score because he sees how much it matters to him. 

The movie ends with everyone watching a fireworks display.  Marcus, drunk, fires an arrow into the air to play arrow roulette, and everyone scatters away.  The arrow lands on Wiley’s foot.


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