NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Robbie Tan who says... "This has suspense, humor and a lot of action. I can't think of an actor other than Keanu who can pull off a John Constantine"
The movie opens Mexico, at the ruins of a burned church beside a lonely highway located in the middle of nowhere. Two scavengers are scouring the ruins; one of them steps on a rotten plank, nearly falling in. He pulls his leg out, and feels inside the hole. He then brings out a bundle wrapped in a red and white cloth. Opening it, he unfolds a Nazi flag and a bronze spear. The background seems to stop, as though time has stopped as the scavenger hugs the spear to his bosom. His face then gets into a trance and starts to walk away from the ruin, the spear firmly held in his hand. As he crosses the highway, a speeding car hits him squarely and time seems to stop. His scavenger friend yells out Manuel!, but Manuel (Jesse Ramirez) gets up from the ruined vehicle and continues walking in his trance-like state.
The scene shifts to Los Angeles, where the mother of a Filipino immigrant family (hey, I saw the Philippine flag displayed) draws out the kettle to begin breakfast. As she passes through a room, growling sounds can be heard from it. She peeks through the doors opening and sees her daughter up the ceiling, growling, with her face looking like a demon has possessed it. Her screams went out all the way to the street, where, a cigarette is shown dropping from the window of a taxi. John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) climbs out of the taxi, telling his driver Chaz (Shia LaBeouf) to stay put. John walks up to the building and meets Father Hennessy (Pruitt Taylor Vince) who tells him that he was unable to extract the demon and has called John in. John thanks him, light up a cigarette with a heavily ornamented gold lighter (he does it a lot in the movie) and walks up to the girls room, where the girl was tied to her bed. John pulls down the window shades and holds up a collection of medallions. As he holds up the medallions, the shadows fall on the possessed girl, groaning as the shadows changed. John picks out the one that got the worst reaction from the girl and he presses it to her forehead, praying in Latin (all of Johns prayers in the movie are in Latin). For a while, the girls struggles subsides, and her face returns to normal. Then, the demon suddenly returns, making the girl struggle more violently. John then looks at the girls and calls for a 3-foot long mirror and shouts over the window to Chaz to move the cab. Chaz moves the cab (a little) from the window. The neighbors bring in an ancient looking mirror, which John suspends above the bed with ropes. John tells the neighbors helping him hold the mirror to close their eyes. He starts praying, as one of the neighbors couldnt resist a peek at the girl. He sees something that shocked him as his skin turns black and his hair turns white. He falls back, fanning himself as if his skin is on fire. John continues praying as a demon breaks out from the girl and lands in the mirror. The demon seems to enjoy looking at itself in the mirror as John tries to pull the mirror out the window. The wide mirror is an inch too wide for the window and is stuck. As the demon realizes that he is stuck INSIDE the mirror, the demon starts to bang the mirror, the mirror starts to break. John then succeeds in pulling out the mirror into the street, where it faced the sun before crashing down the hood of Chazs cab. John takes a drawing filled with red streaks from the girls room and walks down to a shaking Hennessy. He tells him to relax, get a break, and he takes down the priests amulet and put it inside one of the priests pockets. He walks to the cab where Chaz complains that John didnt shout loud enough for him to move his cab a little more. Chaz deposits him back to his apartment, where he continues to smoke and drink.
Detective Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) is inside a confessional booth, confessing that she has just killed someone. She then confesses that she seem to have a knack of knowing where to shoot the bad guys even if they were hidden. Her confessor then tells her that everything has a plan, and forgives her. As Angela goes to bed in her apartment and closes her eyes, a different Rachel Weisz wakes up from a hospital bed after hearing her name (Isabel...) spoken. Isabel then gets up and stealthily walks out from her room and up a flight of stairs. She arrives at the top of the building and climbs on the ledge. She strips off her ID tag (which shows a mark on her arm) and gives a backward glance before jumping off, her body twisting as she falls down the cross ornamented building, through a glass roof, into the buildings swimming pool.
Meanwhile, Manuel arrives at the border fence between Mexico and the U.S. He easily jumps the fence and walks along a road where cattle are seen grazing at both sides. The cattle fall down as if struck dead when Manuel gets within 20 feet of them. Manuel is oblivious to this as he continue his purposeful walk,
John is in the hospital looking over x-rays of his lungs. A widespread blackness seems to cover them. His doctor says that there is nothing she can do anymore; it's because John is smoking heavily since he was 15. John aggravates her by lighting up inside the clinic and seems to be resigned to his fate. As his doctor asks if he has made arrangements in case, John replies, no need, I know exactly where Im going.
Detective Angela arrives at the (same) hospitals pool to look over her twins body. As she lifts strands of hair from her twins face, her partner explains how her twin took her life. Angela vehemently disagrees with this verdict, saying that my sister will never take her own life, period. Her partner then offers footages from the hospitals security cameras for Angela to look over. Angela tries to use the elevator and shouts hold the door Im going down. John, who was in the elevator, replies not if I can help it
John greets his friend Beeman (Max Baker) who has just got back from the Holy Land. Beeman gives John several gifts, including water (in a crystal ball) from the river Jordan, a device called dragons breath (which seems like a small flame-thrower) and a box which makes scratching noises when shaken. Beeman tells him that those scratches sound like nails on a blackboard to denizens from hell. John then tells Beeman of a soldier demon trying to get to this world through a little girl but Beeman tells him that demons and angels cannot go this plane. John, however, asks Beeman to be on the lookout, just the same. He gives Beeman the drawing he took from the girls room. Beeman tells John that his soul is just about the only one that Lucifer himself will collect when the time comes. John distractedly agrees.
John and Angela meet at the door of a Catholic Church on a rainy night. Angela came to meet her confessor and John to talk to someone in particular. Angela comments that John is rude wherever he goes. Their two objectives are talking in front of the fireplace. As they break up, Angela walks up to her priest and tries to convince him to grant a Catholic burial for her twin. The priest replies that, since her twin committed suicide, the bishop (who knows about it, it's in the papers) cannot grant her a burial. Angela walks off in tears. John walks up to a being with wide wings in the back. Gabriel (Tilda Swinton) looks around and says hello. John tells her (him?) about the demon and the little girl and Gabriel says something like its all in a plan. John then asks Gabriel about him, about his status upstairs, about how he is doing his work. Gabriel replies that John is doing things for himself only, that he needs self-sacrifice. John asks what he was doing wasnt sacrifice enough. Gabriel tells John that you fucked up, thats why you went to hell.
John and Angela meet again in front of the churchs door, John muttering distractedly to himself. As John ran to a 7-11 across the church, Chaz shouts Constantine, its raining, which Angela took note.
Angela returns to her apartment where she views the last moments of her twins life. As she bows her head in sorrow, the video of Isabel looks at the screen and whispers Constantine before jumping off. Angela did not see the part where Isabel said something so she returned the video a few seconds back. But when the video played again, Isabel just jumped off without saying anything. Just then Angelas cell phone rings, she answered static. As she hung up, her fax phone rang, and she got static. Then several phones ringing at the same time and Angela is bewildered.
It is still raining and John goes out of the store retching, and drinks the cough syrup Beeman has given him. He looks out to a billboard, which says 'Youre time is running out but it was just the opening words to a car commercial. John continues to retch as a black crow (?) flies in front of him. he fall to his knees as a rat scampers in the gutter. A big crab (?!?!) crawls in his hand as he shakes it off. A voice above him ask can I have a light? As John pull out his lighter, he looks into the face of a demon (made up of roaches and other yuckky pests) who strikes John down, his lighter away. As they struggle, the demon is whispering that John is a troublemaker, while John is trying to reach the scratching box Beeman gave him. He hits the demon with a wooden post and grabs the box. Shaking it, the demon is distracted as John jumps to the middle of the busy street. The demon follows and gets hit by a speeding van, the insects splattering all over the windshield. John stomps on a few more for good measure.
Chaz and John walks down the street where Chaz excitedly point out that this is the way to Poppa Midnites Bar, where good and evil congregate. John dismisses this, saying its just a bar. Chaz tries to ask for a ticket inside, as he seemed to have tried several times before without success. John replies that he can get if they let him in. As they go down a dimly lit staircase, the burly bouncer holds up a card with its back to the visitor. John easily identifies the figures drawn in the card. As Chaz steps up, the bouncer holds up another card that Chaz fails to identify. Chaz gets held by the door as John travels to a door inside the bar. He passes by several people with colored eyes doing magic stuff (one of them looks like Sinead OConnor). John waits for the door to open and enter Midnites (Djimon Hounsou) private room. He complains about the demon trying to get through the girl and the demon attacking in the street. Midnite assures him that its not possible, rules forbid them (the demons) from doing so. John then asks to use the chair, which Midnite disapproves, saying he is neutral and will not give aid to either side. John then says that he has a feeling that something big is happening, just as Balthazar (Gavin McGregor Rossdale) walks in, giving John another reason to flare up. Balthazar walks over to John, a hand playing a coin (?) between the fingers. John walks up to Balthazar and is about to pull something out of his jacket when Midnite shouts that there will be no fighting inside his house. He tells John to get out, as Balthazar is scheduled for a meeting.
John returns to his apartment brooding, drinking and smoking (see the spider bit). He answers a knock from Angela but tries to close the door on her. Angela holds up her police badge and John complains that theres always a catch Angela says that she did a background on John, how she believed a cult brainwashed her sister to taking her life and asked for directions. John pointed to his door, saying that she has a nice theory to go on. Angela leaves in a huff after setting the spider loose. John hears fluttering wings and sees shadows of what looked like bats going after Angela as she left his apartment. John catches up with Angela just as she nears her vehicle. John then tells her about a wager between God and the devil for all of mankinds souls. Angels and devils cannot go to this world but can only influence the actions of people. Angela replies that she doesnt believe in the devil, but John says that the devil believes in her. Just then, the streetlight above them goes blank, as does all the lights in the area surrounding them. This is no blackout as a figure of the Virgin Mary continues to be lit with lights. John says that this happens when something is in this world that shouldnt be here. John wraps a cloth around his fist as Angela pulls out her gun. John says that the gun wont be useful and asks Angela to shut her eyes. When she doesnt, John says, suit yourself, as he lights up his hand and blows fire to a bunch of winged demons filling the street, obliterating them. The lights return as John walks to the middle of the street shouting demons cant go to this plane? Tell them that! Angela asks John if he believed Isabel is in hell. John replied Lets go find out.
In Angelas apartment, water is collected in a wide pan and placed in front of a chair. John feels over a box of Isabels possessions and asked if that was all. He then picks up Angelas cat Doc, saying cats are good, they are one foot in and out. John sits on the chair and takes Doc in his lap. He asks Angela to leave the apartment, which she does, slowly. As the door is closing, John looks into Docs eyes as the water begins to bubble. Time slows down as John is then transported to an L. A. that looks like a nuclear explosion hit it on a regular day, several cars on the highway, everything burning, souls in torment underneath. Jon walks to the hospital as several demons begin to follow him. Isabel is on the top ledge, sees John and whispers Constantine (as in the video) and rips out her ID tag before jumping. John catches the tag, at the same time the demons catch up to him. He breaks the crystal ball filled with the river Jordan water in his chest and he is transported back to present day. As Angela finally closes the door, time returns to normal and she hears John panting. She rushes back in and sees Johns body steaming, and too hot to touch. John holds up Isabels tag to Angelas bewilderment, saying she was there in hell.
In the meantime, Hennessy is in a trance, his fingers going over several papers. Voices fill him on the reports and these change as his finger point to another story or paper. He fixes on an item on a suicide on a hospital. He goes to a morgue where he slips in and finds Isabels body. He tentatively holds her arm as he goes in a trance. The mark on Isabels arm start to reappear as Hennessy falls down, shocked. He tries to drink from a flask but no liquid comes out. When he drops the flask, it spills over. Hennnessy is discovered by the guard but he escapes to the 7-11 store. There, Hennessy tries to drink from several bottles of alcohol but no liquid comes out, even after he broke some of them. The moment the bottles leave his hand however, alcohol is seen pouring out. He falls down, pulling a glass of corkscrews with him. He gets one and starts to stab his hand before passing out. As this is happening, Balthazar is seen going in the store and looking over Hennessy.
John and Angela have a midnight repast where John tells his story when he was a boy who can see demons everywhere. (nice suspenseful little scene) His parents took him to all sorts of treatment until he finally got fed up and killed himself. He was dead for two minutes, but two minutes in hell seems like eternity as time stops there. He got back with a mission to set the balance. Angels and demons exist but they cannot go to earth (this plane). Half-breeds (part demon or angel) exist here, but they can only whisper their influence, not actively participate. (scene goes to the 7-11 store where Balthazars true demonic form is shown, as is the angelic wings of the innocent looking boy holding up Hennessy). John deports back to hell those he found to be violating this rule. He hopes to bring enough back so that he can be assured of his retirement. Angela states that he is trying to buy his way to heaven, to which John replies Wouldnt you, if half of its residents were sent there by you?
Angela is then called to investigate a death. She goes to the store and sees Hennessys body. John walks in and goes to the body. He finds and takes the priests amulet from his pocket and whispers that you should have called me. Finding the blood on the hand, John puts ice on it and rubs the marking off a paper. The marking is the same one in Isabels arm, a circle over a cross.
Manuel, meanwhile, walks up to a parked jeep, still holding the spear in his hand. There is a crashing sound and the jeep drives away towards a sign saying Los Angeles.
Angela takes John to the hospital to investigate her sisters death. John tells Angela that as twins, they often see thing together, they have a psychic connection. Angela first denies this until she breaks down and admits that she also saw the terrible things her twin saw. But instead of affirming her sisters visions, she denied them and that condemned her sister to her fate. She then finds a hidden message her sister left in her hospital window, Corinthians 17:1. Angela is confused; there is no Corinthians chapter 17 in the Christian Bible. Constantine tells her of the devils bible, which has a chapter 17 and tells a very different picture of the Revelation. Beeman, in his sanctuary, start reading passages from it through the phone. It tells that the devils son (Mamnon?) is eager to rise above his father and how he will be able to enter this world: through a human mother and divine intervention. Beeman is distracted by noises throughout this conversation. As the machines behind him start, he started telling John of how even though John has little faith; they all have faith in him. Beeman drops the phone as a bee crawls from inside of his eye out (ewwww). The line goes dead and John and Angela race to Beemans place to find him dead and covered in bees.
Angela, still in Beemans sanctuary, asks John to let her see things that her sister saw. John initially refuses, but Angela convinced him, saying that she is directly responsible for her twins death and she will trade places with her, if she could. John then lowers Angela in a water filled tub, saying she must stay under for as long as it takes. Angela holds her breath but when she cant hold it anymore, tries to rise from the tub. She panics when John seemed to keep her submerged even if she cant breathe. She struggles but John still kept her firmly in the water. Then her resistance subsides and a drop of water holds still in mid-air for a second, before continuing its drop with a loud bang. The water in the tub seemed to explode, the tub shattering and Angela is on the wet floor muttering there is no luck, that's why I can see them even if theyre hiding..... She suddenly holds up the fingers in her hand and starts to move them in a peculiar (familiar) fashion. She then runs back to the place where they found Beeman and still in a trance, picks up the coin Balthazar has been always toying with. John, seeing the coin, gets mad and starts to fashion the flaming gun (shown in the poster) and goes after Balthazar. They see the girls drawing and realized it was the Spear of Destiny.
Angela and John arrive at Balthazars basement where John (after making it look like he was going to kiss her) wraps Hennessys amulet around her and asks her to stay put. Balthazar is admiring his reflection in his mirror paneled room when his reflection stars to morph. Flames burst in but Balthazar is unaffected, I was born from them. He seizes John by the neck but John strikes him with a brass knucle (with cross markings) until he fall down on top of the table. John asks him what was going on but Balthazar refuses to answer. John takes out a Bible and starts to give Balthazar the Last Rites. Scared of going to heaven (laugh, laugh) Balthazar gives; saying that Mamnon has the Spear of Destiny. Angela arrives at the scene and Balthazar tells John that SHE is the REAL target, and John has prepared her for them. John blasts Balthazar before they walk away. John start to tell Angela of the Spear, saying that it was the thing that killed Christ, not the cross. The spear that took away the life of Gods Son will bring to life the devils son. Angela tells him that she knows this, being a devout Catholic. Angela is then pulled away by an invisible force, crashing through walls and out the building. John is unable to follow but knows where to go.
Manuel finally arrives in L. A.. He goes to Balthazars place where Balthazars almost ashen remains tells him of how he has done his job and is waiting for his resurrection. Strong winds blow and Balthazars ashes scatter, as he shouts no! I kept our deal. Mamnon goes to the hospital where Isabel died. He draws a lot of demonic half-breeds and leads them to a room inside.
John and Chaz are back in Midnites bar. John identifies the bouncers card correctly but the bouncer still refused him entry. John gives him a punch and he goes down, Chaz taunting the unconscious bouncer. John charges Midnites office and demands to use the chair. Midnite refused, saying that he is neutral and plays by the rules, and he caught John and was giving him a lot of pain. John says that Midnite should look around him, he was the only one left playing by the rules. He tells him that the Speak of destiny is found and is in Mamnons (Manuel) possession.
Midnite lets John go, and leads him to a back door filled with holy relics. The chair is an electric chair, taken from Sin Singh. John arranges the chair to face east and sits. Midnite pours water under the chair and gives himself and John a stiff shot. He breaks a lighted bulb and dips it to the water. John shakes violently and he goes back to hell. He sees flashbacks of Mamnons (Manuel) progress from Mexico to L. A., ending to the hospital where Isabel died. He then meets with Mamnon in hell where John calls out to Midnite, who pulls him back to real time.
John and Chaz prepare for their assault on the hospital. They know that it will be filled with half-breed demons guarding their master. Chaz talks about how the half-breeds can be defeated, while preparing bullets for their gun. Midnite is pleased, recommends Chaz to accompany John in his quest. Midnite prays over Chaz and tried to pray over John, too (though an obviously different prayer from the one said over Chaz), but John just shrugged and left. Midnite still continued his prayer though.
Angela finally falls down the same pool (in the same position) her twin died in. She takes out her gun and Manuel rises from beneath the water. She shoots but the bullets just passed through him, useless. He holds her down the water where she is transported back to hell. There she meets Mamnon in his demonic form.
John and Chaz enter the hospital where Chaz enters the hospital fire system and places a cross in the firewater tank. John goes in the room full of demons and announces that he will deport them all back to hell. He stands on a chair and activates the sprinkler system with his lighter. The demons get showered with holy water as John blasts every demon that tried to get to him. One last demon left and John is out of bullets, but Chaz saves the day.
They enter the pool area where they pull out a possessed Angela from the water. She is struggling but was held back by the two. John tried to pray but is distracted until he heard another voice praying. Chaz is lending his voice to prayer and John rejoins him. Together, they bring Angela back to normal. Their relief is short lived, as Angela felt something trying to come out of her womb. Both pray over again as John successfully made Angelas stomach subside.
As the trio relaxed, Chaz was pulled by an invisible force and was bounced from ceiling to floor a couple of times. John reached him in time to see him die. Distraught, and finding no traces of demons, he tries to bring the symbols tattooed in his forearms together, all the while praying. A rift seems to appear in front of him until Gabriel lands down on him, pinning him. Surprised, John asked Gabriel why he was involved. Gabriel replies that people can only be noble in the face of adversity, where they can noble indeed. By bringing hell on earth, Gabriel wished to make people worthy of Gods love. He blows John back to the other room and closes the door. Gabriel then starts to revive the being inside (unconscious) Angelas body.
John, slumped on the floor, decide to slash his wrists and mutters, hurry, hurry. Time stops, as Gabriel is about to plunge the Spear into Angelas womb. Drops of hot liquid fall down and Lucifer (in a white suit and barefoot) came to personally take Johns soul to hell. Lucifer doesnt believe John would make the same mistake twice (suicide) so he listens to what John has to say. John asks him about his family (oh, all right, busy, busy, busy), then tell him that his son is in the other room (boys will be boys), then tell him that Gabriel is with his son (no accounting for taste) and finally tell him that they have the Spear. Lucifer stops and goes to the pool area where he sees Gabriel holding the Spear halfway to Angelas stomach, where a figure is trying to get out. Lucifer then pulls Angela away, then stands up holding Angela by the neck.
Time starts again with Gabriel stabbing the floor. He looks up to Lucifer who tells him that the world will soon be his, anyway, and needs no help from him. Gabriel tries to punch Lucifers face but his fist stopped an inch from Lucifers nose. Lucifer smiled, seems that you have lost your backing. Their reflection in the mirror shows the struggling demon (as Angelas reflection) being cast away and Lucifer blowing a fiery breath to Gabriel, whose wings burns as he falls to the water with a big splash.
Lucifer gets back to John then asks what do you want? John asks for Isabel to be freed from hell, and he will replace her. Lucifer looks up with an agonizing look then looks down to John (as if nothing happened) then said done! He then starts to drag Johns body across the room, whistling. But Johns body seemed to gain weight, making it harder for Lucifer to pull him. As Lucifer tried, John sunk deeper in the floor, cracking tiles. Lucifer realized Sacrifice as John started to float and the gates of heaven open. Lucifer cries he is mine! but John gives him a smirk and the dirty finger as he continued to float to heaven. Lucifer holds him back and says You will be mine someday. Lucifer did the only thing he could to stop Johns entry from heaven, he gave Johns life back and took out the disease in his lungs. A revived John walks over to a revived Angela. In what looked like a kiss coming, John pulls out the Spear from the floor then helps Angela up.
Angela is back at the top of the hospital waiting for John. He comes with a bundle, which he hands to Angela. It contains the spear. Angela doesnt understand but John explains that she must hide it from all, including himself, as the rules dictate. She smiles and in what looked like a kiss coming, she walks away, leaving John alone. John takes out something in his pocket and does the familiar shake the cigarette out of the case, only it was a gum that he pops in his mouth. He voices that everything is according a plan. it.s either you believe it or dont. I had to die twice before I believed it.
The credits roll (As I NEVER leave until the usher push me out of the theater)
The scene shows John visiting Chazs gravestone. He leaves his ornamented lighter on top of the stone as he sees Chaz angelic form pause on top of the gravestone before flying up.
CUT TO THE CHASE
NOTE: This Cut to the Chase sent in byBarking Cats
In this classic good versus evil tale, the Devil's son (Mammon) tries to upstage the old man and create hell on earth - starting in Los Angeles which is already pretty close. Mammon's secret helper is Gabriel the Angel who thinks humans suck and ought to do more to earn God's grace. John Constantine - who chain smokes and like Santa, can see who's naughty and nice (he unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide because of this "gift") ends up saving the female protagonist Angela, and committing suicide a second time so he can give the Devil a head's up about Mammon's plan, which the Devil stops. This earns Constantine a favor; he talks the Devil into releasing Angela's twin sister Isabel (who jumped off a building) from hell - where suicides go - so she can enter Heaven. Because Constantine sacrificed himself for Isabel's salvation, God lets him into Heaven. But John Constantine just can't resist flipping the Devil the "bird" one last time as he ascends, pissing him off to the extent that the Devil rips Constantine back from Heaven, cures him of terminal lung cancer (and slit wrists) and sets him back here on earth to fight evil another day.
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