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NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Caboose1020.

The movie opens with Chuck Levine (Adam Sandler), Larry Valentine (Kevin James), and a handful of other New York firefighters playing basketball. Soon they are interrupted by a woman named Donna asking to speak with Chuck. Donna starts accusing Chuck of sleeping with her twin sister Darla; Chuck tries denying it (he even has her say a line she normally says when they have sex), but Darla shows up and the two sisters fight over Chuck. Just when Chuck breaks the fight up and almost gets the two girls to make out, the fire bell rings and the firefighters have to go to work. On the ride over to the fire, were also introduced to Duncan (Ving Rhames), the new guy on the squad. Duncan is really quiet, so the rest of the firefighters think he’s an axe murderer. The guys get to the fire and learn a woman’s son is still in there. Chuck and Larry run in and eventually find the son – unfortunately, he very fat and hasn’t walked in a few years. However, Chuck and Larry still save the man by dragging him out of bed and accidentally send him falling down the stairs (and landing on Chuck).

Forgot to mention: Chuck sees himself as a “town whore”, having sex with countless women and also has the nickname “Mr. February” because he appeared on a fireman’s calendar for that month.

Later that night, Larry makes dinner for his two kids, Eric and Tori. He also gets irritated that his maid, Teresa, doesn’t really help out at all. Larry’s son, Eric, plans to try out for the school musical and seems a little “different” (he can do the splits and plays with Tori’s easy bake oven).

The next day, Larry goes to take care of some business about his beneficiaries; Larry’s wife died a year ago, and he’s trying to make his kids the primary beneficiaries. Unfortunately, the supervisor (Rachael Dratch) tells him it might take a while for him to file that…..unless he gets married and can make his significant other the primary beneficiary. In a funny scene, the supervisor hints that she’s not married, but Larry rejects her proposal. Later that day, the firefighters are asked to do a secondary search on a house that caught on fire. While on the second story, Chuck falls through some loose boards and is hanging on for dear life. Chuck lets go, but Larry catches him and shields Chuck from a few falling boards.

The next day, Chuck and Larry wake up in the hospital. While Chuck hits on a female doctor, Larry’s kids come in to visit. As they leave the hospital, Larry tells Chuck he’s going to quit being a fireman because he’s afraid of dying and leaving his kids alone. Chuck tells him to reconsider and claims he owes Larry since he saved his life. That night at 4:00am, Larry shows up at Chuck’s apartment with his brilliant idea of creating a domestic partnership. Chuck passes since he doesn’t think he’d make a great gay guy (as he says this, six woman, including the doctor he was hitting on earlier, jump out of his bedroom half-naked). Larry eventually uses the “I saved your life” speech and talks Chuck into it. The next day, they get registered (in disguise) as life partners.

A few days later, a lawyer from the beneficiary office comes to talk to Chuck and Larry about their domestic partnership. The lawyer tells them that if he thinks something is fishy about their relationship, he’ll have to call in a specialist to determine if they’re gay or simply faking it. Knowing this, the two act as gay as they can in front of the lawyer (this includes hitting on the male mailman). Later, Chuck and Larry meet with their lawyer Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel). Alex tells the two that a specialist is indeed being sent in to see if Chuck and Larry are frauds; if they are faking being gay, them and anyone who knows about their lie will go to jail (important later). Alex also tells them that the best way to show their relationship isn’t a joke is to get married. Knowing this, Chuck and Larry head to Niagara Falls to find a wedding chapel.

Chuck and Larry end up picking a small chapel run by a small Asian man (Rob Schnieder in a very recognizable cameo). This is where they get married and make sure many pictures are taken for “evidence”. The Asian man has a funny monologue about wedding rings and the symbolism of them being circles. The wedding witness is a homeless person who is convinced the government has everything tapped (including the wedding cake).

After they get back, the first order of business is moving Chuck into Larry’s place. The first night is different for Chuck; he flirts with Larry’s maid and forgets to put the toilet seat down (causing Tori to fall into the toilet). Then comes bed time: Larry won’t let Chuck sleep on his wife’s side of the bed. Chuck convinces Larry to let it go and let him sleep in the same bed as him. The next morning, Larry wakes up shocked to find the maid in bed with him and Chuck (looks like Chuck flirted a little too much with her). Larry goes outside to find someone digging through his trash; this person is Clint Fitzer (Steve Buscemi), the specialist sent in to c if they’re faking being gay. In one of the more funny parts of the movie, Clint claims their trash doesn’t look very “homosexual” and leaves.

Chuck and Larry decide to go shopping for more “gay stuff” (Wham! posters, Village People CD’s, etc.). At the store, Chuck runs into Alex and they talk for a little. The conversation ends with Alex inviting Chuck and Larry to a costume party that night. Chuck and Larry show up to the party dressed up as a vampire and an apple; however, they quickly realize this is a gay party after they notice a flamboyant guy dressed as a butterfly. As Larry goes to the bathroom, Chuck looks for Alex. Chuck sees a girl dressed as a playboy bunny, so he automatically thinks it’s Alex; the bunny turns around…..and it’s David Spade! Eventually Chuck finds Alex (who’s dressed as Catwoman) and they converse. We learn the guy in the butterfly outfit is Alex’s brother Kevin, and Chuck gets annoyed when Kevin assumes Chuck is the “catcher” in the relationship. After the party ends, everyone walks outside and is ambushed by a anti-gay rights group. The activists get into verbal arguments with the gays, but nothing really big happens….until the activist leader calls them “the F word” (im sure you all know which word im talking about). Chuck gets offended and punches the activist leader, which eventually makes its way to the newspaper tabloids the next day.

The next morning, Chuck and Larry are called to speak with FDNY Captain Tucker (Dan Aykroyd). He knows that Chuck and Larry are lying about being gay and begs them not to bring the firehouse down with them. Later, Chuck spends the entire day with Alex shopping and doing other “girl stuff”. They go back to Alex’s place, where she undresses in front of Chuck; Chuck ends up tying a sweater around his waist to cover up his….excitement. Alex has Chuck feel her boobs to show him they’re real (this is the part you see in all the trailers) and asks him if he wants a bite…..of food.

At this point of the movie, it’s obvious Chuck and Larry are being discriminated against: no one will play basketball with Chuck because of his “defense”, Larry has been asked not to coach Little League anymore, and Larry gets asked a lot of homosexual questions when he makes an appearance for his kids’ Career Day. Also, everyone in the firehouse is terrified of dropping the soap in the shower! When Chuck starts feeling down about all this, Duncan (remember him?) shows up again and tells Chuck why he’s so quiet – he’s gay too! Duncan has been living a lie for a while, but Chuck and Larry inspired him to come out of the closet. Meanwhile, Clint makes another appearance at Larry’s house saying he’s suspicious that Chuck has been spending so much time with Alex.

One day, Chuck and Alex are making friendship bracelets for each other when Alex asks Chuck how he turns Larry on; Chuck thinks fast and says he rubs Larry’s ear lobes. Alex and Chuck rub each other’s ear lobes as Alex thanks Chuck for being a great friend to her. They passionately kiss (finally!), but Alex backs off once she realizes what she just did: she just kissed a gay married man who’s her client! Chuck claims he’s never felt this way about a woman, but Alex tells him to leave after she feels so ashamed. Later that day, Chuck and Larry are sent to rescue a man who tried to sneak into a building but got stuck in the chimney face first. Chuck is pissed he can’t get close to Alex, so he argues with Larry. Chuck calls Larry out, saying that if he put his dead wife behind him, he would’ve found a nice woman to marry and not have to deal with all this. And if things couldn’t be getting worse, Captain Tucker calls both of the guys in to tell them the rest of the firefighters have been passing around a petition to get Chuck and Larry transferred; Captain Tucker won’t transfer them, but wants them to take different shifts so they never work together. Larry is furious, so he goes down to talk to the firefighters about he feels betrayed by people he called “brothers”.

Larry comes home and sees Chuck passed out next to his kids’ beds with a Pippin book in his hand (Pippin was the school musical Eric was trying out for). Larry goes to his room to get rid of his wife’s clothes, when Chuck wakes up and apologizes to Larry. Chuck tells Larry he’s helped Eric practice for the musical; this is when Larry starts to accept what his son is doing.

Later that day, Alex comes across an article about how Chuck has recently slept with over 15 women. Alex tells the two that the board is going to quiz them about their relationship and that they’ll go to jail if they don’t pass. The next few days, Chuck and Larry study each other and learn everything they should know about each other if they really were married. The court date comes, and the two are looked on as heroes in the gay community. The other firefighters show up and apologize to Chuck and Larry, saying they will always be brothers to them.

Clint leads the council and quizzes and Chuck and Larry about the relationship. They do pretty well, but Larry gets nervous when his kids are called to speak. Clint asks the kids if they think having two dads is weird; Tori replies by listing off a handful of animals that mate with same sexes. Everything is going good for Chuck and Larry….until Clint asks to see them kiss. They get ready, but at the last second, Captain Tucker stops the kiss and tells everyone Chuck and Larry aren’t gay; however, Captain Tucker defends them and says they have grown so much through all of this. Still, Clint is content on serving justice and hauling Chuck and Larry to jail; Captain Tucker tells them to get a 3rd set of handcuffs and sentence him too since he knew about their lie and didn’t say anything (remember that rule?). The other firefighters stand up and say they knew about the lie too, showing if one firefighter goes down, they all go down.

Unfortunately, Clint still throws all the firefighters in jail.

After some time in jail, the councilman shows up and tells Chuck and Larry he’ll drop all charges under one condition (he asked them to do something else, but I forgot what it was): the firefighters all have to make a gay calendar due to Chuck and Larry still being heroes to the gay community.

Scene switches back to the wedding chapel Chuck and Larry got married at; this time, Rob Schneider is marrying Duncan to his “soul mate” – Kevin. The wedding reception is lead by a band where the lead singer is Lance Bass (it was definitely one of those “I should’ve seen it coming” moments). Chuck goes over and talks to Alex, hoping she forgives him for lying to her; Alex shows him she still has the friendship bracelet they made tied around her ankle, and they end up dancing together.

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