Angels 2000
TV Season


movie trailer ( - quicktime)

NOTE: Another great spoiler sent in by brentage5000.

Somewhere in Mongolia, a bunch of rather rowdy guys are in a base. Two take a heavy package downstairs while the boss has a drinking contest with someone. We cut back to the package and four screws pop out of it, revealing Alex Munday (Lucy Liu), one of our Angels. Upstairs, we see the second Angel, Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore) ending the contest with the boss just before she rubs up against a security guard with a bunch of keys. Meanwhile, Alex frees a kidnapped agent (Robert Patrick – the T-1000) as Dylan gets down there and takes out the man guarding the door to the basement. In the midst of this, the third Angel, Natalie Cook (Cameron Diaz), arrives in a mink fur coat and…nothing else. She starts riding one of those bouncing horse things, but stops when Alex and Dylan get the agent upstairs. They break out (having lost the agent’s ring and gotten him a few cracked ribs) and end up having to drive a truck carrying a helicopter off a dam to escape. After this, the opening sequence comes on, showing then and now things for all the Angels.

After that, we see a man (Bruce Willis) with a ring identical to the on lost by the other agent boarding a plane. As he starts looking at a report, all sound outside the plane ceases. He sees all his guards laying dead, and then a guy with a golden gun (no Bond jokes please) comes up behind him, kills him, and takes his ring.

Cut to San Francisco. The Angels are helping Natalie move into her boyfriend Pete’s house. While they’re doing this (and dancing to MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This”),

Pete (Luke Wilson) comes in and says that they just got their first piece of mail, an invitation to Pete’s ten-year high school reunion. Dylan and Alex go to get more stuff and talk about how Natalie is “growing up” so fast, she might even be leaving the Angels soon. Dylan goes in, and someone comes up behind Alex. She flips them over her shoulder, but it’s just her actor boyfriend (okay, they’re on a break) Jason (Matt LeBlanc) with tickets to the premiere of his new movie. The others come out just in time for all the girls to get phone calls. They leave, and Jason and Pete just look at each other and say, “Charlie.”

The Angels get to the office, swing wide the door, yell, “Bosley!” and we meet the new Bosley (Bernie Mac). They chat for a little bit, and the Angels tell Bosley (who apparently has only been working there for a few days) that he has the most important job – answering the phone. As if on cue, the phone rings, and he answers it. There’s the usual “Good morning, Angels” thing, and then the agent they rescued (whose name is Ray Carter) comes out and, along with his boss (via video-link), explains what happened to Bruce Willis and that the “rings” are actually two pieces of data that when combined reveal the names and identities of all the people in the witness protection program (Mission: Impossible 1, anyone?). They also hear about a murder that took place that is probably connected. The Angels go to the crime scene of the second murder and while they’re there find a bit of pineapple-flavored surfboard wax, which sends them off to the beach.

On the beach, Natalie surfs, Bosley hangs out on the beach checking out suspects, and Dylan and Alex run things from a hot-dog booth while discussing who they think will leave last, prompting a series of visions for Dylan of her, Alex, and Natalie; her, Alex, and Eve; and her and the Olsen Twins. While Natalie is on the beach, she gets approached by former legendary Angel Madison Lee (Demi Moore). They talk about all the things that Madison has done while Dylan and Alex watch. After, a really buff surfer comes up, and they tag him as the guy. Natalie distracts him while Dylan and Alex check the bottom of his surfboard. The stuff matches what they found, and they know they have their guy. The next day, the Angels are at Alex’s house when they see that her dad (John Cleese) has come to visit. They make up a story about working in a hospital, and then they leave for a dirtbike race.

The race promoter (Pink) signs up Natalie to compete in the race. They mark the guy they need, Leo, thanks to his lion picture on his helmet. They line up to race, but not before being noticed by the Creepy Thin Man (Crispin Glover) who tortured them so thoroughly in the last film. During the race, he manages to blow up Natalie and Dylan’s bike, but not before they snag some pictures of people in witness protection, along with a medallion of some kind. They look at the pictures while “Leo,” actually a fifteen-year old called Max (Shia LeBouf) comes up. Suddenly, they stop looking at the pictures, having now found one of Dylan, only the name on it says, “Helen Zaus.”

That night, at the agency, Dylan explains how she used to be Helen Zaus until she saw her boyfriend, Seamus O’Grady (Justin Theroux) kill a guy, and realized he was in the Irish mob. She got in witness protection, and was recruited by Charlie when he found out her skills. After this, they look at the medallion and Max identifies it as belonging to an orphanage he grew up at. Before going there, however, we see the now-adult Seamus being released from prison with a tattoo on his back that says, “Only God will judge me.”

Next, the orphanage. They go there to find out more about the Creepy Thin Man, but all they discover is that he was mute, came from near the docks, and was obsessed with hair (a given, since every time he’s fought one of our Angels, he’s snatched off some of their hair). Meanwhile, Bosley is taking Max to his mama’s house in the hood, where they spend the day playing clue with Bosley’s brothers. Next time we see the Angels, they are hanging off a dock doing some welding near where the mother nun (Carrie Fisher) said that CTM was found. They notice some Irish shippers bringing stuff in, and they reason that the rings are in there. At the time the girls are doing this, Jason and Alex’s father meet, and Jason tells Mr. Munday all about his daughter’s job. Problem is, he does it in a way that makes it sound like Alex is a whore. That night, the girls break into the dock and recover the missing rings, but on their way out, they are confronted by Seamus and his henchman. They fight and eventually block them off with a wall of fire. Unfazed, Seamus walks right through the fire, threatens Dylan and the Angels, and then leaves with Dylan’s lucky American flag lighter.

That night, we see three different scenarios. For Alex, she arrives home, finds Jason telling her dad everything, and confesses that it’s all true, and she’ll keep doing it because she thinks it’s right and she wants to keep helping people like this. Her father (still thinking that Alex is a whore) just says, “Whatever makes you happy, dear.” For Dylan, she looks around the office at the agency sadly, throws some stuff in a box, and walks out. For Natalie, she and Pete go to his high school reunion. At one point, she needs to use the bathroom, but the door won’t open, so she ducks into the boys room, but while she’s in there, two former jocks come in. One of them says that he hopes Pete knows what he’s getting into just in time for Natalie to break down the walls of all the stalls in there. Outside, Pete starts trying to ask Natalie something, but is cut off by a big dance song, and he just tells Natalie that he’ll ask her some other day.

The next day, Bosley, Alex, and Natalie are in the office looking at what Dylan left behind when Carter comes in to collect the rings. He congratulates the Angels, but just as he’s about to leave, Bosley tosses him his keys. Carter catches them, says, “These aren’t mine,” and throws them back. Natalie and Alex realize that this means he can’t have cracked ribs (remember the beginning?) and figure out that he’s working with someone to steal the rings. They quickly form a plan to trail him and catch him, and they manage to bug his car, but they don’t get to hear who he calls, just what he says. Alex and Natalie follow him to a big observatory where we see Carter saying, “We did it, partner!” to someone up in the observatory just before that person shoots him. Alex and Natalie get up to the roof and they find…Madison Lee, who has gone rouge. Natalie and Alex are joined from behind by Dylan, who was in Mexico until a vision of original Angel Kelly Garrett (Jaclyn Smith) came to her and inspired her to get it together. Unfortunately, Madison just takes out her golden guns (yes, the same ones she killed Bruce Willis with) and shoots them off the roof.

That night, in Bosley’s office, Madison and Charlie have a little chat over the speakerphone. Charlie tries to convince her to come back, since he’s sure there’s still some good in her, but Madison just replies, “I was never good…I was great” and shoots the speakerbox. Back at the mansion, we see Dylan, Natalie, And Alex waking up from being shot off the roof (thank God for Kevlar!). They walk and talk about where Madison will be selling off the rings, and they figure it’s in LA, over Fred Astaire’s star on the walk of

fame, and, as luck would have it, conveniently close to Jason’s premiere. That night, the Yakuza, Seamus’s group, and a couple other mob families gather, and are promptly busted by the FBI, who were tipped off and helped by the Angels. One group, however, misses the bust, that being Seamus’s group. They fight it out with the Angels on a rooftop while Dylan is dealing with the Creepy Thin Man. The fight ends with Creepy Thin Man and Dylan grabbing each others hair at the same time, sniffing it (don’t ask), and then Seamus stabbing Creepy Thin Man, sending him over the roof, and then Dylan pushing Seamus over.

Finally Madison decides to make a run for it. She hops in her convertible and starts speeding down the road with Natalie and Alex hanging onto the headrests and Dylan in the front seat punching it out with Madison. They crash into a theater, and after a quick fight Madison falls into a pit and gets burned to death. After an all-too-brief mourn, the Angels show up at Jason’s premiere in fab dresses and meet Bosley, Max, and Bosley’s mother, who tell them that Max is now an honorary Bosley (sequel fodder, anyone?). Alex’s father shows up, and there’s some more misunderstanding when she tells him that she just did her first girl. Natalie finds Pete, and Pete takes out a little black box, opens it, and shows Natalie a little bone with “Spike” engraved on it (seems he only wanted a dog for now). She says yes and tells the girls and Bosley and Max, and they all hug and go into the movie.


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