NOTE: This Spoiler was sent in by AvalonDBZ who says... "This movie doesnt have a story and the dialog overlaps, so its difficult to describe in order. I recommend watching the movie because its more about the comedians and the way they tell the joke. This is a summary the most memorable scenes."
The movie begins with some famous comedians (Robins Williams, George Carlin, etc.) describing an inside joke among comedians. The punch line is The Aristocrats and the story includes: the Father, the Mother, the kids, and a dog. Story is changeable, but the punch line is not, and the point is to try to tell the story without repeating the characters (George Carlin is the only one who follows the latter rule in the movie). Phyllis Diller talks about how the first time she heard the joke, she fainted. Rumor has it that a comedian once took 90 minutes to tell this joke.
An old man, a comedian who has written a book about the history of comedy, tells the joke for the first time in the movie:
A man walking into an agents office and says Ive got just the act youre looking for. The agent asks what kind of act it is and the man says its a family act. First, he and his wife go on stage and then they take a shit on stage, then their kids get on stage and wallow in the shit. The agent is appalled and asks what the name of the act is. The man replies, The Aristocrats.
Several comedians tell snippets of their version of the joke, with some of them breaking into laughter before they can finish. There is a lot of shitting, fucking, sucking, cunts, and vomiting.
Gilbert Godfred says some people ask why some versions include blood and where it comes from. He says its not difficult to explain, as there is normally a young girl with a small asshole and her father fists her. The fathers arm is that of a full grown mans; he could be a longshoreman and his arm could be like Popeye, its not hard to see that there would be bleeding.
Two guys standing side by side begin to describe the Act they do, they have some juggling sticks. Cut to the next scene, one guy is standing on the second guys shoulders, they are both standing upright and the bottom guy is swinging side to side on a board on rollers, they are juggling the sticks on fire (like circus people). The guy on top explains that this is where he craps on the bottom guy in the act, and they would be juggling elephant penises.
A female comedian tells the joke: A man walks into an agent office, tells the agent that he has just the kind of act the agent is looking for. It includes him, his wife, and their two kids (the description of the act is very Victorian). They proceed to the drawing room, where the father and the son play chess, then the maid brings in strawberries and whip cream and they all enjoy dessert. The name of the act is Mother Fucking Cock Suckers.
Another comedian starts to talk about the agents office in the joke and says it would look like Joe Franklins office. Cut to Joe Franklins office, which consists of a few small rooms completely filled with piles of paper from floor to ceiling. There is not one inch of wall space in sight and there is barely any room to move. In the middle of it all is a seated old man, he is Joe Franklin.
Sarah Silverman claims that there was actually an act called the Aristocrats, which her family did; it included her father, her mother, her brother, and her nanna. Her father and brother would get on stage and jack each other off, while spinning in a circle. Her mother and she would proceed to lick their assholes as they spun around. She says, it was all about timing. Her brother also had Downs Syndrome and it was an advantage in terms of ticket sales.
Billy the Mime mimes the joke on the street. First there is some jerking off, ass fucking, a blow job, doggie style fucking, and then ending in what looks like Billy doing a small dog. Some passer-bys look surprised as they walked by.
Some comedians talk about how they have gone through very elaborate renditions of the joke, just to screw up at the end and say, The AristoCATS at the punch line, as if it were some tribute to Disney.
There is another scene with Sarah Silverman being asked if her family ever performed the Act on the Tonight Show, and she says no, but they did perform on the Joe Franklin show, except her mom, dad, and brother werent there. She begins to look confused. There was no audience and they performed it in Joe Franklins office, on a bed. Actually, the bed was a couch and Joe called the couch a bed for little people (children). She looks very confused now. Her nanna was not there either
. (long pause). Joe Franklin raped me.
Some female comedians talk about how male comedian are expected to tell dirty jokes, but females are not Phyllis Diller would not be expected to tell that kind of joke. One comedian says if only males can be funny then she would strap it on. Chris Rock talks about how dirty jokes were not allowed on television, so black comedians could tell dirty jokes because they were not allowed to be on TV.
Whoopi Goldberg discusses the joke and apparently refuses to tell it in its entirety, saying that whatever she can say, other people have already said. She says that people expect her to be gross, if she doesnt, audiences get upset. She then describes how the Act would include guys who stretch their foreskins out and someone behind the camera says no one had told this version before. Whoopi then says that in her version, some guys with very large penises would get on stage and pull their foreskin to either side (almost full arms length) and then pull it over their own heads. Then they would sing, in a very muffled way, as the foreskin is covering their face. As they pull the foreskin up and down over their head, you can hear them sing words and then muffled words in alternating fashion. She mimics this and her timing is perfect. Suddenly, she stops and says thats what her version would have.
There is a South Park version of the joke , ending with the South Park characters saying that they dont get it.
A comedian tells the joke: A man walks into an agents office carrying two big brief cases. He tells the agent that he and his wife have an act for him. The man sits down and his wife pulls a hammer out of the left briefcase and smacks the guy in the forehead. He bowls over the chair completely and rolls over several objects and bleeding profusely. The agent is completely disturbed by this so called act, and asks whats in the other briefcase as the man gets up to leave. The man replies, Tylenol!
Gilbert Godfred tells the joke at a Friars Roast soon after 9/11. Rob Snyder had bombed his act a little bit earlier and is sitting to the right of the podium a Godfred says he is worried about his flight hom because he has a connecting stop at the Empire State building and is boo-ed by the audience. Godfred then launches into the Aristocrats joke and has to pause several times as Synder falls over his chair laughing. His rendition includes a lot of fucking and sucking.
Bob Segat tells a version of the joke with more disgusting detail then anyone else. At one point, the man walks to the agents desk and slams his penis in the desk drawer repeatedly, until it is as flat as a book mark. He smacks the kids with his flattened penis and the boys eye ball pops out. Seeing an opportunity, the man sticks his flattened penis in the boys eye but it gets caught in the sockets retina. The boy is now cockeyed. Segat cracks up a few times while telling the joke and does not do the punch line because he has to run off to do a show. He tells the camera man to give him a copy of the tape so he can give it to the kids on Full House.
Two comedians separately try to tell the joke to two infants and it doesnt go over so well; the infants have blank looks on their face.
The credits show videos of the various comedians that appeared in the movie while they are laughing or just sitting there. Joe Franklin says that Sarah Silverman has a bright future and hes going to keep an eye on her. Robin Williams tells a joke about a Rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender says, Where did you get that? The frog says, I got him in Brooklyn, they have hundreds of these.
Lastly, an original Vaudevillian is introduced to tell the original joke. He takes awhile to get to where the camera is and accidentally turns towards the wrong direction. After being corrected, he begins with, There were two sheep (shephards?) and then falls asleep. He is awaken by the cameraman and no longer remembers why he was there, so he turns and walks off.
NOTE: AvalonDBZ added the following comments:
Sarah Silverman was by far the funniest and the most endearing. The expression on her face was priceless and the audience realizes the situation much earlier than she reveals it.
Bob Segat is very funny too, but in a sheer disgusting kind of way. Somehow he manages to string an endless array of dirty words together into a story and the sum is dirtier than the parts.
Boundaries of decency are endlessly violated and at some point, one would think that the audience becomes desensitized, but the joke stays funny.
And yes, this movie is very crude. It is the most verbally vulgar movie I have ever seen.
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