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NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy.

An Italian family is sitting together to eat dinner. Their doorbell rings and the father goes to answer the door, only to be blown back by an explosion that kills him. A hitman named Rocco (John Freda) enters and shoots the man's daughter, son, and wife, killing all of them. He then grabs a hammer to remove the man's finger.

Giovanni Manzoni (Robert De Niro) is with his family driving to their new home in Normandy at night. He claims he was worth $20 million and would trade anything to have his old life back. He and his wife Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer), daughter Belle (Dianna Agron), and son Warren (John D'Leo) are now living as the Blake family, with Gio's new name being Fred. Warren complains about a smell in the car, which Gio blames on their dog. In truth, he is carrying a dead body in the trunk, which he later buries in secret.

While the kids go off to school the next day, Maggie goes to the supermarket to get groceries while Gio stays home to write. She warns him not to set foot out the front gate, but he does so anyway, and he is being watched through a camera lens. He later speaks to one neighbor and tells him he is a history writer who wants to write about the Normandy landings, though Gio is really trying to write his memoirs.

Maggie goes to a shop and asks for peanut butter, and is rudely told by a clerk that they don't carry peanut butter. He and two other women start trash-talking Americans in French, which Maggie seems to be aware of. She retaliates by grabbing a canister, dousing it with kerosene, and then throwing a lit match onto it, which causes an explosion in the shop. She then continues her trip by sightseeing and going to a church, where she strikes up a friendship with the priest. Meanwhile at school, Warren is beaten up by a trio of bullies after they assume he's rich because he's American. He meets with Belle at lunch and he gives a breakdown of what he's gathered among the students at school, such as a girl who sells cigarettes to students and another boy who is looking to sell a stereo system to the bully who beat Warren up. As Belle walks home later, a group of boys offer to give her a ride home and get to know her better. They really take her down by a lake and hope to get her drunk with beer. The lead boy who invited her pulls her bra strap down, and she responds by whacking the shit out of him with a tennis racket. She tells the other boys that women are not toys for them to mess with and that their future depends on women. She steals their car and leaves.

The family is being supervised by Agent Stansfield (Tommy Lee Jones) and his two partners Di Cicco (Jimmy Palumbo) and Caputo (Domenick Lombardozzi). Stansfield comes by while Gio and his family have dinner and asks him how things have been going so far, to which he replies that nothing particularly eventful has happened.

In a prison in New York, former mafia kingpin Don Luchese (Stan Carp), who was put there because of Gio, is presented with a bucket of ice that contains a bag with the finger from the man in the opening scene. He tries to match the fingerprint with a file he has of Gio, but the fingerprint doesn't match Gio's.

Gio is tasked with having the pipes fixed since the water that runs in the house is brown. He has a plumber come over to check it out, but he tells Gio to rearrange the pipes for a steep price. Gio instead decides to beat the guy with a bat and break his leg. Maggie sees this as she goes to the safe house where the agents are watching them.

At school, Warren quickly establishes a network among the students that he checked out the day before. He makes deals among them and even makes a deal with the cigarette girl to get a cut of her profits. He later has his new "mini-mafia" beat up the bullies from earlier. Belle, on the other hand, becomes attracted to a college student named Henri (Oisin Stack), who is studying to be a math teacher. The other girls are attracted to him as well, but Belle makes her move by asking him to tutor her in math.

Gio hosts a barbecue later that week and has most of the neighborhood come by, including Stansfield and his partners. Gio becomes tense with some of the guests who bug him about the grill not being hot enough because he got the wrong charcoal, and he fantasizes about burning them and sticking hot coal down their throats. Belle is disappointed that Henri doesn't show up, even though he said he might have.

Gio continues his mission of getting clean water. He speaks to the mayor, who directs him to a fertilizer factory owner that interrupts Gio while talking. This time, Gio decides to drag the guy with his car until he comes up with a solution for this dilemma.

Belle spends more time with Henri. Her math improves, but she finally makes her move and gets him to have sex with her in a classroom.

Warren is assigned to write a brief English story, though he wings it within five minutes during class. He's inspired when he recalls a joke he heard as a kid between Don Luchese and another man about seeing the opera "Boris Gudenov", to which Luchese says "If it's good enough for you, it's Gudenov for me." The story is published in the French newspaper, which somehow manages to make it's way all the way back to New York and is used as wrapping paper for a bottle of wine. This bottle of wine happens to land in the hands of Don Luchese, who spots his aforementioned quote. He now knows where Gio and his family are.

Gio is invited to a film debate by one of the teachers he met at the barbecue to discuss a Frank Sinatra-Dean Martin film. Stansfield, suspicious of Gio's intentions, joins him. When they get there, they are told that they were sent the wrong film, so instead, they will watch "Goodfellas". Gio's insight on the film, coupled with his experience in Brooklyn, makes him popular among the guests at the debate, but Stansfield is none too pleased.

Belle speaks with Henri on the phone, and he says he needs time off to focus on his studies and his lack of funds, adding that he had a fun "experience" with her, which breaks her heart. Warren also plans to flee to Paris with a passport and some extra cash after he gets in trouble at school for his organized crime circle. The siblings bid each other farewell.

Maggie goes back to the church to talk to the priest, but after hearing her past confession (in which she basically told him everything about her family), he sends her out and says her family is "the incarnation of evil."

Warren is at the train station preparing to leave, but he sees Rocco and eight other hitmen stepping out. He runs to call the house, but nobody is there. The hitmen go to the police station, murder everybody there, and then find the location to the family's home. Belle, meanwhile, calls Henri and is preparing to jump to her death until she sees the hitmen as well. Maggie goes to the safe house and is alarmed when she finds Rocco and company at the house. She sees Gio getting home and spots one hitman aiming a rocket launcher at their home. She frantically tries to call him and warn him, but the hitman launches the rocket and destroys the house. Maggie breaks down and fears Gio is dead, but he and their dog emerge from the rubble just fine.

Belle and Warren find each other as the hitmen surround their home. They kill a couple of hitmen and steal their guns, opening fire on those near the ruins of their home, while those hitmen return fire. They succeed in killing most of them, while the dog mauls one guy after he kept ordering another guy to shoot it.

A large hitman named Bernie (Anthony Desio) enters the safe house and kills Di Cicco and Caputo. He prepares to rape Maggie until Gio comes in and strangles him with a belt. Maggie then stabs Bernie in the chest. Outside, Rocco finds Belle and aims his gun at her, but it's empty. He chases after her and is killed when Stansfield rams into him with his car.

With the hitmen all dead and their home destroyed, the family and their dog are seen driving off into the evening to wherever they have to go now. Gio states that he is worth twice as much as he used to be and he feels that his family is now closer than they ever were. The only thing that upsets him is that he's going to have to write his memoirs all over again.

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