HOW TO BE A LATIN LOVER
*CUT TO THE CHASE*
NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Tracyg36
The movie opens with a flashback to Maximo and his sister Sara as little kids, when his hardworking trucker father falls asleep at the wheel and destroys their house. As they temporarily live in their car with their mother, they're discussing what they want to be when they grow up. Sara says she wants to be an architect so that she can build a big house for the whole family. Maximo says he never wants to work and, instead, wants the job of a young woman appearing on the cover of a magazine next to a purportedly wealthy man. He wants to have a sugar mama.
Next, we see Maximo as a 22-year-old man (Vhadir Derbez), coming out a pool in yellow speedos, dripping wet, being catcalled by women at the hotel where he is working. There, his friend Rafa points him to an older woman, very wealthy, Peggy, whose family owns the biggest supermarket chain in America. He walks up to her, and hits her with his trademark line: "Am I making you wet?" Peggy is interested.
Cut to 25 years later, and Maximo (Eugenio Derbez) wakes up next to a much older Peggy (Renee Taylor), now his wife. After checking if she's breathing, he gets up and starts moving around the house in his hoverboard. He does different things and has an army of servants tending to his every whim. While he's getting a massage, Peggy shows up with a present as it's their 25th wedding anniversary. The present is the same watch she's given him before, and to save face, Maximo claims he has a present for her too, but they have to go pick it up. He then takes her to a McLaren car dealership, and while she nixes the car at first because it's too low for her to get in after Maximo pouts, she agrees to get it. They're helped by Remy (Michael Cera).
Maximo goes to meet with his fellow gigolo friend Rick (Rob Lowe) at the country club so that they can play some golf. Rick is there with his sugar mama, Millicent (Linda Lavin). She tells Maximo once again he reminds her of a college professor she had a torrid affair with, Professor Rojas.
After golfing, Maximo returns home to find a second McLaren car parked outside. He enters the house and congratulates Peggy on getting "a matching car." Peggy is lying on a couch with an oxygen mask on. As he asks her whether she got winded again scrapbooking, Remy appears with drinks. Yes, Peggy has cheated on him with the car salesman. She kicks Maximo out and, because they had signed a prenup, he has to leave with nothing but a few clothes and his favorite hoverboard.
Maximo goes to Millicent's and asks Rick if he can crash there. Rick declines, as Millicent wants all rooms in the house available in case she's in the mood for a "session." He suggests Maximo goes to stay with his sister. Eventually, he lets Maximo stay at the lifesize dollhouse Millicent has for her granddaughter. Maximo's stay there is short lived, as the granddaughter shows up the next day and starts screaming upon seeing him.
As Maximo makes his way to his sister's, his hoverboard gets stolen, and he almost loses his suitcase as well. When he gets to where his sister lives, Sara (Salma Hayek) at first declines to let him in but he gains access to the building as someone else leaves. We find out they've been estranged for some time. Maximo never went to his mother's funeral, or his sister's wedding, nor was he there for the birth of her son or the death of her husband. Very reluctantly, she agrees to let him stay, provided he gets a job.
Maximo is forced to share a room with Hugo (Raphael Alejandro), a cute and nerdy nine-year-old. The boy writes a nightly letter to his dead father, which he keeps in a box. The next day, as they're having breakfast, Maximo meets Sara's neighbor Roger (Ilan Arditti), whom she helps fix the door. After they drop Sara off at her office, Maximo drops Hugo off at school where he catches a glimpse of Celeste (Raquel Welch), the grandmother of Arden (McKenna Grace), Hugo's crash. Maximo's attempts to approach Celeste are thwarted by her chauffeur, Quincy (Rob Corddry). After a quick call to Rick, Maximo finds out Celeste is going to be at a charity event. Admission to that event is $500.
Pressed for money, Maximo takes his sister's car to a car-wrapping shop that pays in advance and asks for the wrap that pays the most, which is $1,000. At the shop, Scott (Rob Riggle) and Nick (Rob Huebel) make very clear to Maximo that if the wrap does not stay on, he'll have to give them the money back and he agrees. The wrap is for a gentleman's club with two scantily clad women next to each other.
Maximo arrives at the hotel where the charity event is being held, and after making sure Celeste is there, he goes to the gift shop to buy yellow speedos. As he is in the bathroom practicing his trademark line, he realizes his chest hair is graying and decides to apply black Carnauba shoe polish to cover it. After paying the admission, he jumps in the pool to swim to Celeste. Unfortunately, all the shoe polish comes off in the pool (making people ask if he's soiled himself) and after attempting to use his line twice, he gets kicked out of the hotel by Quincy.
Maximo goes to pick up Sara in the newly wrapped car, and she demands he takes off the wrap immediately. Maximo realizes his way in to meet Celeste is by helping Hugo with Arden and decides to "train" him, so Arden doesn't resist his charms. The lessons start as they get frozen yogurt, where a cat-rescuing, very upbeat cashier, Cindy (Kristen Bell), helps them out.
Hugo can't stop talking about this weather balloon with a camera experiment he wants to do for the science fair at school. Maximo convinces Hugo to take off his planetary watch, as it's a "virgin forever" watch. At dinner, Sara asks about the watch, and is horrified when she finds out about the training and forbids it.
Maximo asks Rick for as much info on Celeste as he can find. Rick tells him Celeste loves mountain climbing, riding in trains and fried chicken. He also tries a terrible Spanish accent on Maximo, as Millicent wants Rick to roleplay as Professor Rojas. Scott and Nick spot Maximo and the now unwrapped car, and chase Maximo. They catch him in an alley, beat him up and demand their money back in a week. Maximo eventually ends up getting a job at the frozen yogurt place to make the money after a failed attempt at sign twirling.
Maximo takes little Hugo to swimming practice, where Arden is, to practice his training that has continued, despite Sara's ban. He sends Hugo after Arden in a little yellow speedo, and while we can't hear what's being said, the goal is achieved: Arden invites Hugo to her birthday party. Maximo has found his way in.
Maximo convinces Roger to ask Sara out. He does, and Sara is shocked and runs away from him. A long talk between the siblings follows, and Sara confesses she's scared because she hasn't been on a date in five years. Maximo convinces Sara to drink her sorrows away and pushes her to text Roger she accepted his invitation. She tells Maximo about her trick to avoid depression: turning the saddest songs into salsa versions. He asks for proof, and Sara does a rousing salsa version of "El Triste," a song their mother listened to in the car at the beginning of the movie. All the noise and singing wake up Hugo, who sends them both to bed. In the morning, as he misbehaves during breakfast, he tells them they can't say anything to him after their actions the previous night.
The next day, after Sara and Hugo leave for work and school, there's a knock on the door, and it's Scott and Nick. They demand the money, rough Maximo up and end up taking Hugo's science project camera.
It's time for the birthday party and Sara's date. She looks like a bombshell in a little black dress and Maximo and Hugo are matching in white pants and a pink jacket. They each go to their respective crushes, and it backfires on both.
Arden doesn't care for Hugo's outdated and chauvinistic lines, so he apologizes, and they start over. It turns out she's wearing a planetary watch too, and they bond over that.
Maximo tries to use all the information Rick gave him about Celeste, but it's wrong. Celeste can no longer climb as she lost an arm to frostbite, she hates train because she'd already lost the other arm to one when she was little, and she's a vegetarian and has a foundation for the welfare of chickens. Maximo tries to call Rick and is surprised to see him at the party. He admits giving Maximo wrong information so he could have a way in with Celeste himself, as he's tired of Millicent's incessant demands. They end up fighting over Celeste, to the point of dislodging her arm prostheses, and as they continue to fight on the way out, Maximo admits to Rick he can't take living with Sara and Hugo anymore. Hugo hears him and runs away in tears. He calls his Mom (who was supremely overdressed for her date with Roger, which was at a ballgame) to come pick him up.
Maximo shows up back at the apartment to apologize, but Sara kicks him out, no ifs or buts. She also confirms that Maximo is responsible for Hugo's camera being missing. Maximo ends up crashing at Cindy's place, which she shares with 50 cats. He tries to "repay" her by offering her sexual services, which she rebuffs.
Maximo and Rick come up with a plan to get Hugo's camera back. Rick shows up as a police officer at the car wrapping place, with Maximo in tow as a gas tech, and they claim there's a gas leak. They get Roger and Nick out, and Maximo searches the place until he finds the camera. Unfortunately, Rick's acting skills leave a lot to be desired, and the jig is up. However, Maximo manages to escape on a minibike.
Maximo reaches Sara's place, and very excitedly gives her the camera back so they can go to the science fair. Unfortunately, as it's been the case the entire movie, Maximo doesn't know the day of the week and the science fair has passed. Hugo missed it. As he walks away, he finds the box with all the letters Hugo had written to his dad in the trash.
The next day, Hugo goes to apologize to Arden, and she's extremely glad to see him, as she and her grandma knows he had nothing to do with what happened at her party. Plus, she's very happy to have received her first ever real letter and accepts his invitation to send up the weather balloon with the camera. Maximo has written a letter apologizing to her in Hugo's name.
Rick has been kicked out of Millicent's place and is now working for the car-wrap guy, twirling signs.
Sara makes progress in her relationship with Roger and finally gets a chance to design a house. She and Hugo go to the place where the house will be built, and the client's helicopter lands. Millicent emerges from it, followed by Maximo, who is cosplaying as Professor Rojas at Millicent's request. He's found what he wanted since his divorce, and has convinced Millicent to give his sister a chance.
The movie ends with Sara forgiving Maximo, and him and Hugo going for a ride in the chopper.
After 25 years married to a rich woman several years his senior, Maximo is kicked out of the house with the clothes on his back. He's forced to move in with his widowed sister and her little son, and he tries very hard to find a similar situation to the one he had. He eventually does, and In the interim, he learns that family love and relationships are what matter in the world.